On a totally serious note, I truly do hope thats the case and you have found some deserved peace 🙂
I'm trying my best, had to stop operations of my store for a month which didn't make alot of people happy. It added alot of stress because I'm shortstaffed and always try to do things myself and spend alot of sleepless nights trying to catch up and IRS chasing me around. I do recognize I went a little overboard last year 😅
Last year was really rough and there's new challenges this year but I found systems that has helped alot in turning my negative self destructive thoughts into positive constructive thoughts (easier said than done) but in the past, I would pass my pain into others and inflicting pain was not my favorite of doings. initially I was like whatever it's just random people on the internet but people on the internet have feelings too. I'm trying to put my past behind me. I'm not arguing for an unban or whatever I deserved for my unacceptable behaviors. I let my negative emotions (anger, sadness, hopelessness) take control I had seen so much Bad happened it was easier to do bad than good. It's always harder to be the good person.
But I recognize my wrong doings and working on my own issues without having to cause emotional trauma to others.
Gladly I have friends that have seen it first hand and knows it is one of my biggest flaws I intentionally make people hate me so that I can't hurt them in the future and less people at my funeral. What I didn't realize is; I was still hurting them to begin with. It is still a challenge I am figuring out. People put a bad word on the word therapy which makes people who need it (which is most people it helps alot working through issues like anxiety disorder and stress and depression) where 1/3 of the population suffer from, including me. Having being shamed for going to a therapist even people using it as an insult makes some refuse to seek it because of how others label some people.
I cared too much of other people's feeling and neglected my own which ended up in self destructive behavior and insecurity.
Life has ups and downs and being wise and smart is to know how to deal with the downs and being grateful for the ups. Wether you are poor or rich you can still get depressed. I see rich being depressed all the time. And I have finally noticed after long meditations that money does not matter to me at all materialistic things only cause temporary happiness, for so every couple of years we renew our phones computers cars etc... at the end unlimited amounts of money does not bring internal peace. Memories and your impact on others and ability to learn is what is the most valuable knowledge. We spend our lives selling our time. Whether you work a $9/hr, or $100/hr, is just a value of what your certified knowledge is from either college, or having certain certifications and skills.
Last year, a millionaire told me something I taken too lightly "if you were asked what is your hourly wage, what number would you put on your knowledge and skills that would make that number worth it" degrees and years of experience and seniority are big factors in that number. And we negotiate with companies to find a number that fits. I could go into walmart and apply for a cashier job and demand I am paid $1000/hr but I would have to be the darn best cashier in the whole world. Likely would not happen because Walmart can hire a teenager with no certifications and experience for a cheap price as they don't know their actual net worth.
My teacher back in college 5 years ago always used to say; A smart person learns from their mistake. A wise person learns from other people's mistake so hopefully someone out there can learn from my mistakes instead of going thru it themselves.
Anyway wasting time is one of the few things that really annoys me now. Our time is our most valuabe asset and we can't ever get the time we waste. I believe that there are no coincidences and everything has a reason because of Newton's 3rd law of motion "Every action has an equal opposite reaction" and so banning me was what I needed the most as to realize alot of things about my path and destiny in this world. After the death of my mother I felt lost and felt I fit nowhere without her not caring about my actions. For now I try to find the motivation and feeling more in the present than anything because the past is gone forever and the future has yet to come. Being able to feel the present is where you can find peace and experience Mindfullness. Peace does not exist without chaos as they are codependent on each other for a balance. Everything is about a balance. And so I conclude my statement with this quote; "Whoever prefers the material comforts of life over intellectual wealth is like the owner of a palace who moves into the servants quarters and leaves the sumptuous rooms empty." – Marie Von Ebner