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  1. #1
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    Default Unhappy Marriage

    My husband and I met and quickly we fell inlove , he was soo amazing i never thought I'd find such a guy that would treat me like a goddess he made me feel soo loved & important .We got married 2 weeks before we found out we were pregnant everything was fine & dandy til baby was born he changed alot he's become miserable doesn't want to go out,won't buy the baby stuff, and doesn't let me spend mine it's weird how things changed so quickly ....fuli give him his space and all, all the things & reasons why i married him have turn into the opposite not sure what to do I love him so much and my little boy i grew up without my father and it damaged me I don't want to do the same to my son but i also feel i shouldn't stay in a marriage that is very very unhappy.

  2. #2
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    I had to make a similar choice 10 yrs ago. I weighed the pros and cons and then I decided my child would be happier in a happy single parent home than an unhappy 2 parent home. Ive come from a broken home where my parents fought and argued daily. They were both miserable and I didnt want my child growing up in the same atmosphere, so I walked. I have no regrets.

    From what u wrote your husband sounds controlling and u say hes miserable and seems he wants u to be miserable as well. That misery can eventually transfer unto your child as hard as u may try for it not to.

    I think you shud decide whats best for you and the baby. You love him yea, but it doesnt seem like hes considering your needs and the baby's at all.
    Last edited by Pandora; 08-15-2008 at 02:02 PM. Reason: tiptoe through the tulips, through the tulips..

    Isaiah 54:17

  3. #3
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    Staying together for the sake of the baby can go either way. But Anesidora pretty much said it all. He needs to be willing to change.

    If nothing changes and it gets worse AND you stay with him, the baby is going to feel the hate in the family. Two miserable parents doesn't make a happy child.

    Demand Everything..

    & Never Settle for Less

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by westernsky View Post
    My husband and I met and quickly we fell inlove , he was soo amazing i never thought I'd find such a guy that would treat me like a goddess he made me feel soo loved & important .We got married 2 weeks before we found out we were pregnant everything was fine & dandy til baby was born he changed alot he's become miserable doesn't want to go out,won't buy the baby stuff, and doesn't let me spend mine it's weird how things changed so quickly ....fuli give him his space and all, all the things & reasons why i married him have turn into the opposite not sure what to do I love him so much and my little boy i grew up without my father and it damaged me I don't want to do the same to my son but i also feel i shouldn't stay in a marriage that is very very unhappy.
    Has your husband seen a doctor at all or does he see nothing wrong?

    Flip this same situation round, if the female was the distant and miserable parent wanting nothing to do with the baby then she would probably be diagnosed with post-natal depression. Maybe your husband has something similar.

    It is at least worth looking into before you make any decision regarding the future which will change three lives forever.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marius De Romanus View Post
    Has your husband seen a doctor at all or does he see nothing wrong?

    Flip this same situation round, if the female was the distant and miserable parent wanting nothing to do with the baby then she would probably be diagnosed with post-natal depression. Maybe your husband has something similar.

    It is at least worth looking into before you make any decision regarding the future which will change three lives forever.

    *reps u if I can* Good point..he cud be going thru some sort of depression. I still am uneasy with the part where she said "won't buy the baby stuff, and doesn't let me spend mine"

    Isaiah 54:17

  6. #6

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    Hi Westernsky,

    I would agree to the fact that your husband might be suffering from some sort of depression or financial stress. As you happened to mention that he's somewhat frugal with the economic situation in your home. I think at some point in our lives we all worry about finances and if we can provide a good living for our love ones. Not to mention the fact that the price of living is higher then the past. However some fellow chatters have made very interesting points. In the end you will need to consider what is best for you and your child. If you would like to work things out with your husband there's no better way then to talk to him about your current situation and how you feel. Communication in a relationship is always key, you can also try to go to a marriage counselor.

    Best of luck to you and your family.




  7. #7
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    Default

    All valid points and great recommendations/observations.

    Bottom line, though, as you mentioned... your child needs a dad and you need somebody who isn't just sharing rent. I've been through a lot of this myself, and admittedly I've sacrificed a lot of my own happiness for the sake of keeping things calm at home. Is it the right thing to do? Not sure, but I think doing what is best for your child is what matters most.

    I would like to say that as time goes on maybe he'll become more attached to his son and therefore want to be more involved, but it could be that he just doesn't want to be a father either... his heart's not in it. Selfish and sad, but true. I'm sure there are others out there who would be ready and willing to give you AND your son 100%, so ask yourself is he making YOU happy and will he be a good father in the long run.... if you aren't feeling a resounding YES to this...then the answer will be to cut your losses, find love, and keep letting him share rent.

    I would grit my teeth and swallow nails for my daughter, but I've also been on the unhappy side of marriage for a few years too.

    prayers,
    boogs

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by westernsky View Post
    My husband and I met and quickly we fell inlove , he was soo amazing i never thought I'd find such a guy that would treat me like a goddess he made me feel soo loved & important .We got married 2 weeks before we found out we were pregnant everything was fine & dandy til baby was born he changed alot he's become miserable doesn't want to go out,won't buy the baby stuff, and doesn't let me spend mine it's weird how things changed so quickly ....fuli give him his space and all, all the things & reasons why i married him have turn into the opposite not sure what to do I love him so much and my little boy i grew up without my father and it damaged me I don't want to do the same to my son but i also feel i shouldn't stay in a marriage that is very very unhappy.

    well i would like to know how long you actually knew this guy b4 u got married. you cant know someone completly in a few months not even a year people sometimes wont show thier real side until something triggers it. are you 2 stable in fianaces or do you struggle to pay the bills. there so many factors your not letting us know so i cant give u a honest opnion . the only thing i can say is this. marriage is a contract between 2 people you will have hard times and good times if the guy is ignoring his child then from my point of view hes a bum and a selphish individal who onlycares 4 his own needs. i may be wrong but you chose this guy. the sad thing here is that an innocent child will have to pay 4 both your ignorant choices. please dont be offended by what im saying im just making my own view on what you posted
    i wish you the best in life... good luck hands your litte boy a tonka truck


    * In loving memory of Moon Wolf *




  9. #9
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    Lightbulb bad marriage ?

    ok someone might get upset and im NOT saying this to upset you... but i have 2 words... LEAVE HIM ... this is classic pre abusive behaviour... i used to work in los angeles for a woman;s shelter.ive taken women and children out in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes on thier backs... you and your child both deserve better...thats all i have to say.

    Lizard
    I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
    — Marilyn Monroe

    "nothing is forgotten.. only left behind.. where ever i am .. he leads me now.. no borders no fences no walls.. no borders no fences.. unbound " Robbie Robertson

  10. #10

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    First of all take it from someone that knows, living in a household that isnt happy is harder on the kid then if you leave,, Kids can adjust to circumstances but you are hurting your child worse by staying in a house that isnt happy... I would try talking to him first and ask him to please tell you what he is feeling,,, could be something else not making him happy and not necessarily you, but staying in an unhappy household can be worse on the child then leaving... I grew up in an unhappy home and they stayed together just for the sake of us kids and it was totally miserable..... and the thing is I am living in a house I am not happy in right now and for certain reasons that I am trying to change right now....

  11. #11
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    have to agree with all thats been said, specially boogs and his nails....

    ... but i cant see anywhere you saying you've talked to him about how/ why he's changed....

    talking is always the first step hun....



    pppppprap - pap

    bonjourno

  12. #12

    Default

    Your feelings don't matter anymore, it's all about the child now. So keep your loser hubby unless you want your kid without a father, loser or not.

    Death Drone Squad

  13. #13

    Default hi!

    Quote Originally Posted by westernsky View Post
    My husband and I met and quickly we fell inlove , he was soo amazing i never thought I'd find such a guy that would treat me like a goddess he made me feel soo loved & important .We got married 2 weeks before we found out we were pregnant everything was fine & dandy til baby was born he changed alot he's become miserable doesn't want to go out,won't buy the baby stuff, and doesn't let me spend mine it's weird how things changed so quickly ....fuli give him his space and all, all the things & reasons why i married him have turn into the opposite not sure what to do I love him so much and my little boy i grew up without my father and it damaged me I don't want to do the same to my son but i also feel i shouldn't stay in a marriage that is very very unhappy.
    how are you?

 

 

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