imitation-angel
Member
if there is a God. But I seem to get puzzled in areas. For instance, it says how God will comfort, but I do not feel comforted by him. If I do it is only rarely and for a short moment until I fall asleep or such. Maybe his comfort is not the kind of comfort I am used to thinking of as comfort. I will check what the word comfort means in the dictionary first of all. Secondly, it says he will settle me but for years I have been unsettled - ever since my brother died. 15 years have passed just this Marcher. I am not so rarely scared and even terrified of this life. In the bible there is a passage that says "I am just a young child, I do not know where (or when) to go out and come in" and I found this relatable. And then in that passage God says that he will show the man how to judge the people fairly. I don't think the man was actually a young child - but I think he just felt that way at heart. I have been called "a baby" "little girl" "not managing with life" "scared" - because people could tell I guess. I have also been called "strong for the way you think" but also "weak". Anyways, so I agree but I can't say I have really seen God leading me and rescuing me from feeling so small - although some days I am more confident. Secondly it says he will lead me but I have been going through one place to the next - one job to the next - for various reasons, no job, relation to relation - relations ending - it is really hard to live when every relation just ends - you just feel like you are in hell, in a hopeless vortex. So then I would get these thought - just jump off a cliff - but I am scared to become paralyzed and even worse off than I am now. How is such desperation showing God cares for me though? And sure I already looked into this and people online write - he doesn't care because he doesn't exist. It also says - seek me with all your heart and you will find me (God) and I seem to be doing this lately. I have also done this in the past.
