Hi everyone,
I wanted to try something here. I’m a bit of a writer, and I’m always curious about things. I always knew there were forums, but I never really hung out in them much. I became a mod about a month ago and have been in the forums more, so I thought I might do a little writing here and see who is out there, who pays attention to the forums, and what people think about things.
Chat rooms are interesting places. They are groups of people who come together who normally wouldn’t have the opportunity to gather in such a way. Often inhibitions are down because of the anonymity and people feel comfortable saying things that they wouldn’t feel comfortable saying in regular social circles. This makes for a VERY interesting environment.
In my short time as a mod I have interacted with people that I wouldn’t normally chat with. Before I became a mod (my friends know this about me), my ignore list was upwards of about 300 people. My survival strategy was to avoid anything unpleasant, and we can all agree there is plenty of “unpleasant” in this virtual world. Since I’ve become a mod, I have completely erased my ignore list and I see everything going on in the room. I’ve had to adjust my survival strategy a little bit and I thought I would offer a little story here and see if anyone had any thoughts. I named this thread “Kylie’s Corner,” but I really am interested in what other people have to think about this. If people have thoughts, maybe I’ll see if I can make this a regular thing.
My recent room interactions have reminded me of a metaphor that I use in my work. It’s called “Joe the Jerk” and it goes something like this:
Let’s say that you wanted to have a party on Saturday night. You were really excited and wanted to have a lot of people there, so you called all of your friends and tell them to invite whoever they want. You were very excited the days before the party while you were out buying supplies, arranging your furniture, making food, and just preparing things for the upcoming party.
The day of the party comes and it’s a beautiful day. The BBQ is going in the backyard, the sun is shining; everything is perfect. The doorbell starts to ring and you are excited to see who it is. Your friends start showing up and everyone is in the backyard talking and enjoying themselves. As you look around, you see that every one of your friends is there. Everyone is enjoying the food you have prepared and are enjoying each other’s conversation. And then the doorbell rings.
As you go inside and go to the door you wonder who it is that you might have missed since all of your friends were there. When you open the door, it is Joe. Joe is one of your neighbors, but he is generally unpleasant to be around, weird, and his personal hygiene isn’t even that good. Joe is quite frankly, one of the most annoying people you know. He is the last person you want at your party. Without saying a word to you, he walks into the house and goes into the back yard and starts being his usual self.
Joe starts talking to your friends and saying things that are upsetting everyone. He goes to the table and starts eating and drinking with his bare hands. He doesn’t put anything in the trash and just starts throwing things on the ground. You are mortified at what is happening and then that emotion quickly turns to anger and you tell Joe that he has to get out. You walk him to the door and Joe leaves. You feel happy that he is gone and you go back to the party in the back yard.
A short while later, you notice Joe just walking back into your party. He let himself in and is now in your back yard doing the same thing that he did previously. This time you are immediately angry and yell at Joe and throw him out. You decide to stay by the door to make sure that he doesn’t come back in. This is definitely working. It is keeping Joe from coming back into the party, and you are initially happy because he isn’t around.
After some time goes by, you realize that you are missing out on the party. All of your friends are still in the back yard. You can hear them laughing. You can smell the food. But, you are staying by the door and aren’t talking to anyone. You really want to go to the party, but you can’t stand Joe and can’t risk him coming into the party. You’re stuck. You really want to enjoy the party, but the thought of Joe at the party is just horrible to you. You don’t know what to do.
After a while, you decide that this party is really important to you. You go into the back yard to at least check on your friends, and you decide that if Joe comes back, then that’s just the way it is. Wouldn’t you know it, after a few minutes, Joe comes back into the party and starts annoying everyone again.
This time, however, you notice something is different. You don’t ignore him, because he’s really hard to ignore, but you make a decision to enjoy the party, even with Joe there. When you make this decision, you notice something:
1. You’re having a decent time! Even though Joe is there, and he is still a little annoying, you are still able to enjoy yourself and you aren’t stuck at the door inside the house.
2. You notice that when you’re not trying to get rid of him all the time, he actually calms down a little bit. He’s still annoying and he still smells, but he’s not acting as bad as he previously did.
3. Because of this new way of looking at Joe, you start to notice some things about him that you never noticed before. Joe is kind of quirky and has a sense of humor, even though it’s buried really deep. You watch him at the party and he even makes a couple of your friends laugh.
The question you now ask yourself is: “What will I do the next time I have a party?”
THE END
So congratulations if you’ve made it this far. If you know me you know that I think and type pretty quickly.
I just wanted to share this because I see similarities in my experience in the room over the past month. I have begun chatting with people that I have never chatted with before because I thought (insert negative feeling here) about them. I’ve gotten to know some people and some of the things that they struggle with. We aren’t always seeing the best version of people when they come to a chat room at 2am, but I have often found that there is still a person behind that screen and they came here for a reason. I’ve found that the mods get bombarded with “unpleasantness” pretty constantly. Certainly more than I realized when I was a chatter. Because I have been reaching out a little bit, I have found that some of the Joes in the room are actually some of the more interesting people. It just takes a little different way of thinking about things.
I don’t really have any answers, I just wanted to share my experience. I see a lot of people get upset when a “Joe” enters the chatroom. I also see a lot of people standing by the door, rather than enjoying the party. Joe will always be in the chatroom, but the question becomes “What are you going to do at the party?” Are you going to stand by the door? Or are you going to just go enjoy the party and be with your friends.
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Be well.
K
I wanted to try something here. I’m a bit of a writer, and I’m always curious about things. I always knew there were forums, but I never really hung out in them much. I became a mod about a month ago and have been in the forums more, so I thought I might do a little writing here and see who is out there, who pays attention to the forums, and what people think about things.
Chat rooms are interesting places. They are groups of people who come together who normally wouldn’t have the opportunity to gather in such a way. Often inhibitions are down because of the anonymity and people feel comfortable saying things that they wouldn’t feel comfortable saying in regular social circles. This makes for a VERY interesting environment.
In my short time as a mod I have interacted with people that I wouldn’t normally chat with. Before I became a mod (my friends know this about me), my ignore list was upwards of about 300 people. My survival strategy was to avoid anything unpleasant, and we can all agree there is plenty of “unpleasant” in this virtual world. Since I’ve become a mod, I have completely erased my ignore list and I see everything going on in the room. I’ve had to adjust my survival strategy a little bit and I thought I would offer a little story here and see if anyone had any thoughts. I named this thread “Kylie’s Corner,” but I really am interested in what other people have to think about this. If people have thoughts, maybe I’ll see if I can make this a regular thing.
My recent room interactions have reminded me of a metaphor that I use in my work. It’s called “Joe the Jerk” and it goes something like this:
Let’s say that you wanted to have a party on Saturday night. You were really excited and wanted to have a lot of people there, so you called all of your friends and tell them to invite whoever they want. You were very excited the days before the party while you were out buying supplies, arranging your furniture, making food, and just preparing things for the upcoming party.
The day of the party comes and it’s a beautiful day. The BBQ is going in the backyard, the sun is shining; everything is perfect. The doorbell starts to ring and you are excited to see who it is. Your friends start showing up and everyone is in the backyard talking and enjoying themselves. As you look around, you see that every one of your friends is there. Everyone is enjoying the food you have prepared and are enjoying each other’s conversation. And then the doorbell rings.
As you go inside and go to the door you wonder who it is that you might have missed since all of your friends were there. When you open the door, it is Joe. Joe is one of your neighbors, but he is generally unpleasant to be around, weird, and his personal hygiene isn’t even that good. Joe is quite frankly, one of the most annoying people you know. He is the last person you want at your party. Without saying a word to you, he walks into the house and goes into the back yard and starts being his usual self.
Joe starts talking to your friends and saying things that are upsetting everyone. He goes to the table and starts eating and drinking with his bare hands. He doesn’t put anything in the trash and just starts throwing things on the ground. You are mortified at what is happening and then that emotion quickly turns to anger and you tell Joe that he has to get out. You walk him to the door and Joe leaves. You feel happy that he is gone and you go back to the party in the back yard.
A short while later, you notice Joe just walking back into your party. He let himself in and is now in your back yard doing the same thing that he did previously. This time you are immediately angry and yell at Joe and throw him out. You decide to stay by the door to make sure that he doesn’t come back in. This is definitely working. It is keeping Joe from coming back into the party, and you are initially happy because he isn’t around.
After some time goes by, you realize that you are missing out on the party. All of your friends are still in the back yard. You can hear them laughing. You can smell the food. But, you are staying by the door and aren’t talking to anyone. You really want to go to the party, but you can’t stand Joe and can’t risk him coming into the party. You’re stuck. You really want to enjoy the party, but the thought of Joe at the party is just horrible to you. You don’t know what to do.
After a while, you decide that this party is really important to you. You go into the back yard to at least check on your friends, and you decide that if Joe comes back, then that’s just the way it is. Wouldn’t you know it, after a few minutes, Joe comes back into the party and starts annoying everyone again.
This time, however, you notice something is different. You don’t ignore him, because he’s really hard to ignore, but you make a decision to enjoy the party, even with Joe there. When you make this decision, you notice something:
1. You’re having a decent time! Even though Joe is there, and he is still a little annoying, you are still able to enjoy yourself and you aren’t stuck at the door inside the house.
2. You notice that when you’re not trying to get rid of him all the time, he actually calms down a little bit. He’s still annoying and he still smells, but he’s not acting as bad as he previously did.
3. Because of this new way of looking at Joe, you start to notice some things about him that you never noticed before. Joe is kind of quirky and has a sense of humor, even though it’s buried really deep. You watch him at the party and he even makes a couple of your friends laugh.
The question you now ask yourself is: “What will I do the next time I have a party?”
THE END
So congratulations if you’ve made it this far. If you know me you know that I think and type pretty quickly.
I just wanted to share this because I see similarities in my experience in the room over the past month. I have begun chatting with people that I have never chatted with before because I thought (insert negative feeling here) about them. I’ve gotten to know some people and some of the things that they struggle with. We aren’t always seeing the best version of people when they come to a chat room at 2am, but I have often found that there is still a person behind that screen and they came here for a reason. I’ve found that the mods get bombarded with “unpleasantness” pretty constantly. Certainly more than I realized when I was a chatter. Because I have been reaching out a little bit, I have found that some of the Joes in the room are actually some of the more interesting people. It just takes a little different way of thinking about things.
I don’t really have any answers, I just wanted to share my experience. I see a lot of people get upset when a “Joe” enters the chatroom. I also see a lot of people standing by the door, rather than enjoying the party. Joe will always be in the chatroom, but the question becomes “What are you going to do at the party?” Are you going to stand by the door? Or are you going to just go enjoy the party and be with your friends.
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Be well.
K
