Bread. I contemplate my ways of living as well. You're not alone in this quest for finding a sense of stability within me, for some days I confuse myself and end up finding myself contradicting my thoughts over and over again. It's just that- do you ever work your ass off for something that would mean the world to you? And you constantly put your head down, working at it for hours just to find yourself facing the pain of failure once again. You start to compare yourself to other people and wonder to yourself how they were able to do it. Why are you different? Why aren't you like other people who could do that thing easily? That question's been on my mind for almost a month now..I just can't seem to understand why I'm not good enough. Whatever effort I put into it is a waste..it's a cycle of full of failure and I'm at this level where I can't seem to find how I'll make my way forward. How will I feel successful again? How will I ever progress? You know..I've considered cheating since a month ago when I started having doubts and the thought of not being enough was eating me up inside. I spent my nights constantly awake all for the purpose to feel okay somehow. I kept working hard, trying throughout the night to unlock something meaningful that would bring me the happiness I missed. Other days I've straight up wanted to quit. Whenever I fail, my thoughts resort to being angry and cheating. There's nothing more I can devote myself to if I've tried my best...it's just this DAMN Mario Kart level that I can't pass!!