Bigeagle458
New Member
I am a 53 year old bi white male. I have been slowly coming out of the closet to select friends. What is the best way to totally come out.
How to come out of the closet
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Deleted member 292941
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A lot of it is situation dependent and there's never a one-size fits all approach that works for everyone. I think if you're comfortable doing it with select friends first, that's great. But just know, you'll be coming out for the rest of your life. To everyone you meet. It's just the way it is. I've been coming out for 20 effin' years already. People who don't know me still think I'm straight at times when they meet me. The joys of living femme.
However, to your bread and butter people, I always say go by feel. If a full on coming out party works for you - do it (safely of course). If you want to go one by one, do it that way. Just don't go too far too fast.
I wish you all the best in your journey!
However, to your bread and butter people, I always say go by feel. If a full on coming out party works for you - do it (safely of course). If you want to go one by one, do it that way. Just don't go too far too fast.
I wish you all the best in your journey!
^ I second this.
coming out will always be a scary motion, but it will be a different experience for everyone. Try coming out to the people close to you first such as family or friends, then this will ease you to start coming out to the rest of the world.
besides, it’s all about being yourself, loving and accepting yourself too!
My situation was different:
I came out as lesbian back in 2008 in my teens, which I had a really bad experience with. And then I’m still coming out now as trans - which is a whole another ball game!
I wish you luck in your adventure and self discovery
In my case everyone I was close too either knew or at least suspected that I was bisexual. I was anxious over how people would react and the entire time they had already accepted me for who I am. Coming out is a really good way to see who your real friends are as well. If they don't accept you for you then you don't need them. Be yourself.
#YouLoveWhoYouLove
#YouLoveWhoYouLove
If you are in the closet you have been suppressing your mind and body as you can't start being you on till you walk out from it shadow no longer should you hide in it dark over cast on you, to be honest I don't know why people turn to the closet as it offers nothing positive to your situation I think its wrong to hide or suppress the way you feel inside and you want that inside to come out to the world and start being you as you are ment to be and never let anyone tell you any different you have nothing to be ashamed of there is nothing dirty or taboo in the way you want to live your life, so many young people died because they thought there was something wrong with them why do I think the way I do why can't I be normal you are normal and you think that way because you are gay or what ever the case is don't let dese new feelings cloud your mind with negative thoughts you are changing and become the person you are ment to be and the closet is a door you don't want to open, be you and your family will love you no matter what you are trust me on less they are total wsnkers than you are better off away from them in that kind of environment and you won't figure it all out in a day it will take time be easy on your self enjoy your new feeling inbrase them they are going to be with you for a good while
Mellifluous
New Member
It has nothing to do with oppression or not accepting yourself/your sexuality.. You’re in the closet because you’re either still discovering yourself and not sure what your sexuality/identity is, or simply because you are not ready. May also be because your environment doesn’t accept it for personal or religious reasons. Coming out in such a situation is not easy and sometimes not even safe.
Keep in mind that there are still 69 (!!!) countries in this world where it’s illegal, and for 11 of those it even carries the dead penalty. As normal as homosexuality is seen in some communities and cultures, it is as dangerous and unacceptable in others. Safety always comes first, so make sure you find yourself in safe circles first before coming out.
Also.. it’s okay to stay in the closet a little longer, even when you’re completely sure about how you identify.. You should only make the step when you’re are ready and feel comfortable enough to do so.
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Mellifluous
New Member
The right, or best, way to come out doesn’t exist. It’s individual and completely dependent on your personal situation and environment. As long to make sure you’re safe and don’t put yourself at risk/danger ánd are ready to come out, just go with the thing you feel most comfortable with. The way you come out is not gonna change how people see you or if they will end up accepting you or not.
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nicky diamonds
New Member
film yourself having sex with another male and send it to everyone you know as a christmas card. make sure you are the bottom and you are looking into the camera with a sad face the whole time.
just so you know, ive seen that happen. A friend of the family, her boyfriend at the time did exactly that.. some people were like .. ok that happened, others went white as a sheep, some cried but it got done and no one even talks about it now
nicky diamonds
New Member
not everyone but it did some i think? dude had a porn addiction but it was gay porn and his female girlfriend found out and well he just pulled the pin on the grenade. her and him are still friends to this day so all is well that ends well?
Chopper
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Baby Universal
Banned
From 53yo to 53yo....There is no BEST way to come out. Everyones experience is as dynamic as the relationships they form with the people around them, their roles in society etc etc etc.
Comfortable is probably the key, be comfortable with you and be comfortable with who you share your sexuality with. Coming out is daunting and liberating, but not always necessary.
I came out to my mum for the first time when I was 12yo, but that was back in 1981, and was told that it is just a phase I was going through, and I can get counselling when I get older.
I came out for a second time when I was 31 in 2000, and that was the last time. If I am asked, I am honest, but I don't feel obligated to volunteer the information to anyone not because I feel I might be judged, but because I believe it is not the most important part of me that I think people need to know about me.
You could do it on national TV like Jake Daniels. Huge respect to the guy for doing this in what is still a tough environment 😍
But…
^ IMO, this is the way it should be even for footballers like Jake or others in the public eye. I still struggle with the whole concept of coming out. Nobody comes out as straight…
But…
^ IMO, this is the way it should be even for footballers like Jake or others in the public eye. I still struggle with the whole concept of coming out. Nobody comes out as straight…
astroraiken
Gold Member
im gay, but havent told anyone yet. bcos rlly there is really no need to in my life personally. also got no idea if my friends r homophobic
You’d be surprised how many people say they already know.
A group of my friends found out when they were talking about how they fancied Cheryl Cole and I was like “I prefer her husband”.
The best way is to totally come out in all honesty. You're older so you may have a different view on how society sees it, but us who welcome you and have no problem with it, love it.
If your family doesn't approve, that's tough **** because you're a grown ass man. It may take some time for them to realize "geeze, this is something he is born with" but other than that, I hope you come out.
We need to fully normalize this and many things people are born with. To me,if I hear someone is gay I'm like "cool, I'm heterosexual" and move on.
Good luck to you and I hope you find some good advice in this thread that you take into consideration, brother. <3
<3 at your age, it's a problem with homophobia and it's something that society needs to evolve with.
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If anyone can fix it it’s bob the builder 🥰
SouthernButchCharm
Active Member
Some things you can't go by anyone else's process. There is no set time or bar for when is the "right situation " to come out . I probably really knew at 12 that something was different , well different than what I was kind of taught as being deemed regular. I struggled for years while most my age going through my teens were in those middle school / high school relationships, I was battling with what was wrong with me and why I couldn't make myself be like most of the people around me . I remember when I was a freshman I sold my rookie Daryl strawberry guy to this friggin dude so we could go to a school dance together . That card is worth like several hundred USD's now .
I met a college professor at 21 from a different college who was 10 years older than me on AIM chat rooms back when those existed lol (yes im old as dirt). We talked for several months and at one point my parents went out of town on vacation and I was house sitting . I invited her over and one thing led to another with the end result of her spending the weekend with me .
My folks came home early without notice to discover a car they were not familiar with in the parking lot and some well provacative sounds coming from the basement .
I obviously did not plan to come out this way but it did help me to finally get the weight of the world off my chest and express that I've felt that I was a lesbian for the longest time .
You just take the time and do what feels right when it feels right . You owe nothing to no one as an explanation.
I met a college professor at 21 from a different college who was 10 years older than me on AIM chat rooms back when those existed lol (yes im old as dirt). We talked for several months and at one point my parents went out of town on vacation and I was house sitting . I invited her over and one thing led to another with the end result of her spending the weekend with me .
My folks came home early without notice to discover a car they were not familiar with in the parking lot and some well provacative sounds coming from the basement .
I obviously did not plan to come out this way but it did help me to finally get the weight of the world off my chest and express that I've felt that I was a lesbian for the longest time .
You just take the time and do what feels right when it feels right . You owe nothing to no one as an explanation.
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