In pursuit of happiness.

DontCostYaNuffin

DontCostYaNuffin

Gold Member
Curious to know how people on here pursue happiness? What’s important to you? What gives your life meaning? Ever been in a position where you had to 360 degrees change something about the way your life is going in order to be happy?
 
VanHelsing said:
Happiness? What is that strange concept?
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The worst thing about losing happiness and being conscious of losing it, is that you once knew what it felt like and understand its importance to the prolongation of one’s life. I’d rather be ignorant of the concept, than consciously losing what bit of joy I once had in life.
 
Better to pursue connection with others rather than happiness. At least in my experience. Chasing happiness never seems to lead to it.

Since you asked, our mom group is doing our Xmas thing tonight, booze/pot gummies or chocolates/good food/laughter. That’s one way for me.

There’s gotta be a group you can join or start for an interest you enjoy where you are.

All else fails just take the piss out of @Finn2.0
 
punkyhepburn said:
Better to pursue connection with others rather than happiness. At least in my experience. Chasing happiness never seems to lead to it.

Since you asked, our mom group is doing our Xmas thing tonight, booze/pot gummies or chocolates/good food/laughter. That’s one way for me.

There’s gotta be a group you can join or start for an interest you enjoy where you are.

All else fails just take the piss out of @Finn2.0
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This was the answer I was looking for.
Yes, I definitely believe socializing is one of the most important things to keep oneself mentally sound, both on a personal level as well as on a societal level. In my experience, it’s important to stay curious and inquisitive and connecting with other people is one way to achieve that. Happiness for me is to be able to give love and to receive it. It’s about challenging one’s mindset and preconceived (false) notions by means of interacting with other people. To be introduced to different aspects of life you weren’t aware of and discovering the beauty that exists within those realms. It is ultimately (for me at least) the joy of sharing. My passions, my laughter, my tears.

Sometime life happens. Old friendships get severed. People part ways. How viable are these friendships in terms of picking them up again where you left off? I can’t see myself playing Commander Keen again with said friend like we did circa 1995 when we were 10/11, listening to Sonic Youth……except for the latter perhaps.
 
I think there are two parts to happiness. There’s the inner version, which has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. Things like setting healthy (attainable) goals and working towards them, striving to be healthy, cleanliness, being honest with yourself, and all of your creature comforts (shelter, food, etc). I know I’ll catch flack for saying it but even in spite of having x y or z some people attain the inner version simply through attitude, but these are few and often born of great hardship. They are happy just because, it’s really a beautiful thing.

The other kind is the external kind of happiness. This kind, and this is just an opinion, resides in community. Whether that comes from building said community around common interests, ideas, and goals, friendly competition with people that don’t share your exact view, or just having a group to come to and be social with and talk about life. Helping others, in my personal experience, is incredibly gratifying.


I feel like everybody needs a different mix of the two parts. Some more here and less there, or vice versa. Both are equally as important.


I definitely agree with the green and growing sort of attitude. In the spirit of that I will also say that being comfortable is kind of deceiving in a way. Comfort and habit often lead to a place where nothing new happens. No growth. HOWEVER. The excitement that comes from trying new things and exposing oneself to risk sometimes comes with a price tag. Life happens outside of your comfort zone.
 
Happiness, at least to me, is less of a destination and more of a series of checkpoints. For me, it’s tied to meaningful connections, a sense of purpose, and small joys that make the big picture bearable. Working with survivors of trauma adds a layer of perspective- I’ve seen how resilience and the fight for happiness can look radically different for everyone.

As for a 360-degree shift? Absolutely. Sometimes, it takes burning the blueprint you thought you needed and building something entirely different. I’ve learned that happiness often takes leaning into discomfort, asking myself hard questions, and unlearning things I thought were truths. It’s not easy, but when you get even a taste of joy or peace, it’s like, “Oh, this is what I was after all along!!!”

If that’s makes sense 😂.
 
happiness is intertwined entirely with luving yourself, if you want perpetual happiness it starts always with luving yourself first...

you cant make connections with other people, or form bonds with them, if you has no connection or bond with yourself...

it always begins within', if you cannot be happy with yourself you cannot be happy with anything else...

it doesn't matter what happiness is to anyone else, the cliches, all of it, they're meaningless...

happiness is what you, & you alone make of it; if you pursue whateva anyone else defines being happy as, youre more than likely going to be more miserable than they are...

& trust me, those types are pretty miserable...

so i can't tell you what happiness is, i can only tell you what my happiness is...

but i won't do that either, because it doesn't matter...

what works for me, may not work for you, & likely won't work for you...

but if any universal route in the pursuit of happiness was to, or is to exist, then that route is found only through luving yourself...

believe it ✌🏻
 
Crumb said:
Happiness, at least to me, is less of a destination and more of a series of checkpoints. For me, it’s tied to meaningful connections, a sense of purpose, and small joys that make the big picture bearable. Working with survivors of trauma adds a layer of perspective- I’ve seen how resilience and the fight for happiness can look radically different for everyone.

As for a 360-degree shift? Absolutely. Sometimes, it takes burning the blueprint you thought you needed and building something entirely different. I’ve learned that happiness often takes leaning into discomfort, asking myself hard questions, and unlearning things I thought were truths. It’s not easy, but when you get even a taste of joy or peace, it’s like, “Oh, this is what I was after all along!!!”

If that’s makes sense 😂.
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I agree 💯 My biggest fear is changing to the point I’m not the same person I once was, though. I’ve always tried to find a middle ground, I don’t know if that’s giving in, lacking authenticity, defeatism, or pleasing, but I strongly believe that the person you are today, is something that has slowly grown over time, organically, influenced by nature and nurture. You’ve got to know who you are, to know where you want to go.

Perhaps I still don’t know who I am, after all these years. People try hard to be authentic, but at the end of the day, the persona we have created is based on our visual experience and influences. People we admire. Perhaps the biggest liberation we can experience, is giving up on authenticity altogether, because at the end of the day, we are all connected and one. Being authentic is just a superficial part of who we are. The most important thing being empathy and kindness from a strictly Humanistic point of view.
 
Sorry this may be long most of us are led to believe that happiness is a final destination one that can be reached if we make the right choices, learn from our mistakes, and keep pushing forward. We are taught that, once we finally find it, we’ll be forever satisfied in our lives, and so we live feeling overwhelmed and inadequate, chasing this dream, never stopping to question if it is, in fact, flawed.

The reality is that it is flawed. “Happiness” is not a destination. It’s a state of mind, and you don’t need to be in it every moment of every day. Not only is that impossible, but it’s also unhealthy. Life is complex and uncertain. Ups and downs are normal. The day you land that promotion you’ve been longing for might also be the day you suffer your first heartbreak. How do you experience happiness if you don’t know sadness and pain?

It took me years to understand this. Up until this point, I had believed that if I ticked a series of boxes I would reach “success” and live my days out happy. But once I achieved some I still felt unfulfilled. I realised the way I had defined success was based on someone else’s definition. What was I missing? The things that made me truly happy human connection, positively impacting the lives of others, and being present had been sidelined by my pursuit of success.
True happiness is a roof over your head ,health,(or at least coping with health),loved ones,friends,and knowing you can eat tomorrow. The ability to understand you don't need to follow what you think you should do and just start focusing on smaller steps and achievements Is the day happiness begins.
 
DontCostYaNuffin said:
I agree 💯 My biggest fear is changing to the point I’m not the same person I once was, though. I’ve always tried to find a middle ground, I don’t know if that’s giving in, lacking authenticity, defeatism, or pleasing, but I strongly believe that the person you are today, is something that has slowly grown over time, organically, influenced by nature and nurture. You’ve got to know who you are, to know where you want to go.

Perhaps I still don’t know who I am, after all these years. People try hard to be authentic, but at the end of the day, the persona we have created is based on our visual experience and influences. People we admire. Perhaps the biggest liberation we can experience, is giving up on authenticity altogether, because at the end of the day, we are all connected and one. Being authentic is just a superficial part of who we are. The most important thing being empathy and kindness from a strictly Humanistic point of view.
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I get what you're saying, and honestly, I think the fear of losing yourself is a sign you care deeply about staying grounded, even as life inevitably shapes you. But maybe the question isn’t whether you’re changing too much. It’s whether those changes align with what you value most. If they do, then you’re not really losing yourself- you’re just evolving into the next version of who you were meant to be.

Authenticity… it’s a slippery concept in my mind. We’re shaped by everything we’ve ever experienced, admired, or survived, so how much of “authenticity” is really ours? Maybe authenticity isn’t about proving you’re untouched by the world but about embracing how the world has touched you, like how it’s left its fingerprints, its scars, its gifts. It’s not about being a fixed, unchanging self but being honest about the layers you’ve picked up along the way and which ones you choose to keep.
 
Crumb said:
I get what you're saying, and honestly, I think the fear of losing yourself is a sign you care deeply about staying grounded, even as life inevitably shapes you. But maybe the question isn’t whether you’re changing too much. It’s whether those changes align with what you value most. If they do, then you’re not really losing yourself- you’re just evolving into the next version of who you were meant to be.

Authenticity… it’s a slippery concept in my mind. We’re shaped by everything we’ve ever experienced, admired, or survived, so how much of “authenticity” is really ours? Maybe authenticity isn’t about proving you’re untouched by the world but about embracing how the world has touched you, like how it’s left its fingerprints, its scars, its gifts. It’s not about being a fixed, unchanging self but being honest about the layers you’ve picked up along the way and which ones you choose to keep.
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This really hit home for me. So much truth and meaning in just a couple of sentences, laced with a modicum of clairvoyance as well, as though you know what’s going on inside my head and what i’m trying to get out of everyone here, and you’re like, bam! Here it is! You’re a great judge of character.
 
DontCostYaNuffin said:
This really hit home for me. So much truth and meaning in just a couple of sentences, laced with a modicum of clairvoyance as well, as though you know what’s going on inside my head and what i’m trying to get out of everyone here, and you’re like, bam! Here it is! You’re a great judge of character.
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Well, I can’t claim clairvoyance 😂. It’s more like a lucky knack for picking up on the universal stuff we’re all quietly wrestling with. You’re just brave enough to say it out loud. That middle ground you’re trying to navigate? I think a lot of us are camping out there too, trying to figure out how much of ourselves to hold onto and how much to let evolve. But hey, being called a great judge of character? I’ll take it. Maybe it’s just easier to see others clearly when they’re willing to show up as honestly as you do. So, thanks for making that part easy!!
 
Crumb said:
Well, I can’t claim clairvoyance 😂. It’s more like a lucky knack for picking up on the universal stuff we’re all quietly wrestling with. You’re just brave enough to say it out loud. That middle ground you’re trying to navigate? I think a lot of us are camping out there too, trying to figure out how much of ourselves to hold onto and how much to let evolve. But hey, being called a great judge of character? I’ll take it. Maybe it’s just easier to see others clearly when they’re willing to show up as honestly as you do. So, thanks for making that part easy!!
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I mean, If there’s one person i’d open up to, it’s you and I guess, if anyone were in a situation where they’d be vulnerable and needed help, they’d be in safe hands around you. I wish I had the same judgement of character you have, but from what i’m able to gauge reading your comments, is that your words emanate serenity and security, making me want to open up, because I know it is okay.

To me that’s more than luck, it is being able to connect on a level with someone that transcends superficiality and their core beliefs, getting to see that person’s real self and recognizing a piece of yourself in them. Bravo.
 
DontCostYaNuffin said:
Curious to know how people on here pursue happiness? What’s important to you? What gives your life meaning? Ever been in a position where you had to 360 degrees change something about the way your life is going in order to be happy?
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  • Romans 15:13
    "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope".
 
DontCostYaNuffin said:
Curious to know how people on here pursue happiness? What’s important to you? What gives your life meaning? Ever been in a position where you had to 360 degrees change something about the way your life is going in order to be happy?
Click to expand...

I do actually think that happiness is more of a choice than we realise & after you acknowledge that it puts you in so much of a better space.

I know I'm gonna sound like a corny self-help book, but having a positive outlook & seeking out the good in things rather than the bad makes such a difference to your general mood & contentment.

Say yes to things, even if you can't be really arsed at the time - don't let 'no' be your default answer.

It's self-care to do the things you enjoy doing - indulge in stuff you like to do.

And it goes without saying, appreciate your family & friends and never allow those relationships to drift. ❤
 
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