Most people will never find true love & settle.

A

AThousandWishes

Member
Preface: Not upset or hopeless or desperate.

I don't believe in true love but the concept of finding someone (if you're monogamous) who you are happy with. I wonder if people in relationships, ever wonder if they made a mistake choosing and stay because of life.

Do you think people actually find love or just settle? And settling isn't a bad thing - it's something not said out loud.




 
I think the problem is that love has been watered down in the 21st century. I have grandparents and had great grandparents that married for life. They dont stick around because they dont want to start over they stick around because thats someone they have shared their best years with and they can look back on their short time here together. Because as u get older the more u start to realize fewer and fewer people around who have shared your same life experience. For younger people like 0-40 or so they grew up post or during the destruction of the nuclear family and sexual revolution, hookup culture, ect. Its just so many things that tarnish how beautiful a monogamous relationship can be.
 
I think your perception that people will settle for second best. Simply because if they want to find that perfect partner it will never happen.

As a philosophy, yeah sure it makes perfect sense. But you are really watering down the prospect of what true love actually is... And it is about connection.

Attractiveness is not about looks. The most beautiful person can irk a person, yet the least attractive person can have that "pull" that makes them desirable. And why is that? Well attractiveness is about the whole picture, predominantly based on personality. The more comfortable you are to love a person and be loved in return, the more likely you will settle.
 
AThousandWishes said:
I don't believe in true love
Click to expand...
Believe Hang In There GIF


True love exists; it's just a hard thing to find.
 
Pandemic said:
I think the problem is that love has been watered down in the 21st century. I have grandparents and had great grandparents that married for life. They dont stick around because they dont want to start over they stick around because thats someone they have shared their best years with and they can look back on their short time here together. Because as u get older the more u start to realize fewer and fewer people around who have shared your same life experience. For younger people like 0-40 or so they grew up post or during the destruction of the nuclear family and sexual revolution, hookup culture, ect. Its just so many things that tarnish how beautiful a monogamous relationship can be.
Click to expand...
Your points were beautiful overall, I just have some critiques.

1)In past, women had few rights and we're treated as property (that's globally, not just in the west). Women did not work outside the home for the most part, women could not even get their own bank account. I'm sure some women were genuinely happy and had great husbands. But to look at the years a couple in the past spent together as the only indicator is wrong and misinformed because societal pressures and economic situations play a significant role.

2) When the agriculture is the major economy, the family tend to be larger. When production of goods is the major economic activity, the nuclear family becomes prominent.

3) I want to believe in monogamous relationships but most people, even those who are in relationships aren't faithful or happy. Of course, not all, just being realistic.
 
Dindu Nuffin said:
I think your perception that people will settle for second best. Simply because if they want to find that perfect partner it will never happen.

As a philosophy, yeah sure it makes perfect sense. But you are really watering down the prospect of what true love actually is... And it is about connection.

Attractiveness is not about looks. The most beautiful person can irk a person, yet the least attractive person can have that "pull" that makes them desirable. And why is that? Well attractiveness is about the whole picture, predominantly based on personality. The more comfortable you are to love a person and be loved in return, the more likely you will settle.
Click to expand...
When I settle, I'll settle good. That's all I'll say lol.
 
AThousandWishes said:
Your points were beautiful overall, I just have some critiques.

1)In past, women had few rights and we're treated as property (that's globally, not just in the west). Women did not work outside the home for the most part, women could not even get their own bank account. I'm sure some women were genuinely happy and had great husbands. But to look at the years a couple in the past spent together as the only indicator is wrong and misinformed because societal pressures and economic situations play a significant role.

2) When the agriculture is the major economy, the family tend to be larger. When production of goods is the major economic activity, the nuclear family becomes prominent.

3) I want to believe in monogamous relationships but most people, even those who are in relationships aren't faithful or happy. Of course, not all, just being realistic.
Click to expand...
Yes there was a lot of abuse and womens suffragette came a long ways but i think it totally swung too far from misogyny to misandry well not just that i think the problem is when leaving the bad treatment of women in the past we also threw out the good idk. The world was a different place too. I remember my great grandma telling me the story of her first marriage and how she grew up. Her hand in marriage was traded for a cow the guy was an asshole and they had a few kids and my great grandpa saw him mistreating her in public, beat the **** out of him and married her haha. They had 8 more kids after that. Theres good and bad but i think a lot of the bad is all thats remembered....good men existed. My grandma never had a license and never wanted to drive or work a job not that she couldnt she just didnt want to id sit with her on the porch and she'd tell me about everything. I think a lot of the misunderstanding between men and women is just from the internet in general it makes it where its not two people hashing it out its just weird nowadays. But idk i just got off work and im sleepy haha
 
Pandemic said:
Yes there was a lot of abuse and womens suffragette came a long ways but i think it totally swung too far from misogyny to misandry well not just that i think the problem is when leaving the bad treatment of women in the past we also threw out the good idk. The world was a different place too. I remember my great grandma telling me the story of her first marriage and how she grew up. Her hand in marriage was traded for a cow the guy was an asshole and they had a few kids and my great grandpa saw him mistreating her in public, beat the **** out of him and married her haha. They had 8 more kids after that. Theres good and bad but i think a lot of the bad is all thats remembered....good men existed. My grandma never had a license and never wanted to drive or work a job not that she couldnt she just didnt want to id sit with her on the porch and she'd tell me about everything. I think a lot of the misunderstanding between men and women is just from the internet in general it makes it where its not two people hashing it out its just weird nowadays. But idk i just got off work and im sleepy haha
Click to expand...
"She never wanted to work." I wonder why... I guess I could also say my grandmother didn't want to work but that would be so false.

Misandry? Don't listen to the loud mouth feminists (nothing against feminism because it's important) and make that claim. Listen to the overwhelming silenced majority, look at preference for sons in many countries and cultures and how subservient women are supposed to be. If there was a culture of misandry, wouldn't the homi.cide rates be reversed? Just saying.

Women in the West and, of course, other pockets in the world are the only groups of women to enjoy this liberty. Men don't understand the gravity of how short women's suffrage is in comparison to the entire history of women. I could be critical without the need of putting down men - your grandma settled and she didn't have a choice and she was "happy" with the situation, yeah sure. I'm sure you're awesome but consider the nuances of people's experiences (present and in the past).

Live and let live✨
 
Last edited:
AThousandWishes said:
Preface: Not upset or hopeless or desperate.

I don't believe in true love but the concept of finding someone (if you're monogamous) who you are happy with. I wonder if people in relationships, ever wonder if they made a mistake choosing and stay because of life.

Do you think people actually find love or just settle? And settling isn't a bad thing - it's something not said out loud.
Click to expand...
I look at my Parents and Grandparents and have hope, their love has overcome problems and they work together and never run away. To have friends you truly love and care for you is another thing to be valued. I fear being alone and not having a person truly understand and value me but I never loose hope, I am young and life has not dealt me cards which I cannot control, Its the stories of others which help me grow and make me value what I have.
 
Last edited:
Gingertastic said:
I look at my Parents and Grandparents and have hope that their love has overcome problems and they work together and never run away. To have friends you truly love and care for you is another thing to be valued. I fear being alone and not having person truly understand and value me but I never loose hope but I am young and life has not dealt me cards which I cannot control, but Its the stories of other which help me grow and value what I have.
Click to expand...
I relate a lot. I'm convincing myself that I'm happy alone, although I presume having someone there would make me happier. Again, there are nuances in everything - I'm not sure what all I need to comprise to have someone in my life without completely losing myself. And I do know people who are happier without a significant other. I'm gonna go with the flow and fully embrace life; and I'm sure my next boyfriend will be my everything (joke). Thanks for sharing!✨
 
AThousandWishes said:
"She never wanted to work." I wonder why... I guess I could also say my grandmother didn't want to work but that would be so false.

Misandry? Don't listen to the loud mouth feminists (nothing against feminism because it's important) and make that claim. Listen to the overwhelming silenced majority, look at preference for sons in many countries and cultures and how subservient women are supposed to be. If there was a culture of misandry, wouldn't the homi.cide rates be reversed? Just saying.
Click to expand...


Well in america its not like that but in every non western country it is. What im saying is women are equal now. The pay gap is a myth and thats what i mean by third wave feminism. It makes throws a bunch of half truths around pretending women are still second to a man. The same thing goes for racism institutionally it simply doesnt exist. America didnt start slavery it ended it and america gave women property rights, voter rights, right to divorce, ect. You can only say america is still racist or sexist if laws still exist against those demographics. But i think america came a long way and its just a headache to make something out of all this victimhood crap. Men and women will never be equal they just arent equal things so it simply will never be.

i wasnt saying women shouldnt be able to work im just saying that a lot of women didnt want to that they were old fashioned. Many women do love having a career nowadays and i think the laws actually give them an advantage tbh.

And the homicide rates are where they are now because men are naturally more aggressive.

My point was mostly that in the current culture a lot of women grow to be unhappy because they fight against traditional values. Just from the ones ive seen especially if they dont have kids and still have short term relationships they are downright miserable.
 
Pandemic said:
Well in america its not like that but in every non western country it is. What im saying is women are equal now. The pay gap is a myth and thats what i mean by third wave feminism. It makes throws a bunch of half truths around pretending women are still second to a man. The same thing goes for racism institutionally it simply doesnt exist. America didnt start slavery it ended it and america gave women property rights, voter rights, right to divorce, ect. You can only say america is still racist or sexist if laws still exist against those demographics. But i think america came a long way and its just a headache to make something out of all this victimhood crap. Men and women will never be equal they just arent equal things so it simply will never be.

i wasnt saying women shouldnt be able to work im just saying that a lot of women didnt want to that they were old fashioned. Many women do love having a career nowadays and i think the laws actually give them an advantage tbh.

And the homicide rates are where they are now because men are naturally more aggressive.

My point was mostly that in the current culture a lot of women grow to be unhappy because they fight against traditional values. Just from the ones ive seen especially if they dont have kids and still have short term relationships they are downright miserable.
Click to expand...
Cool. Thanks for your understanding and well-meaning input. Women's happiness is not dependant on having kids or a husband btw. I wouldn't trust your judgement.
 
AThousandWishes said:
Cool. Thanks for your understanding and well-meaning input. Women's happiness is not dependant on having kids or a husband btw. I wouldn't trust your judgement.
Click to expand...
I know that its not im just saying from talking to lots of older women and anecdotal evidence a lot regret not having kids earlier or at all. I wouldnt know though as i dont have any i would hope i wouldnt regret it. But ive never met someone that legitimately hated having kids.
 
Pandemic said:
I know that its not im just saying from talking to lots of older women and anecdotal evidence a lot regret not having kids earlier or at all. I wouldnt know though as i dont have any i would hope i wouldnt regret it. But ive never met someone that legitimately hated having kids.
Click to expand...
You got me thinking. I like that. I gotta lot to say but it would be too revealing. The foster care system😬 I'll focus on the majority, the good ones, I think they love their kids. I love the idea of kids.

Things I've observed (sorry for being crude):
1) My life would come second in my own life which is a given. I don't think it's a bad thing when raising children. (This is okay for me)

2) I'll always be tied to a guy even if the relationship does not work. (This!)

3) Not all women snap back from giving birth to children and their bodies change. And their partner might not be attracted to them. I've seen people who had children and they look great but it's not like before. (Idk how my grandmother snapped back from 7 children - I wasn't there, I heard)
 
Last edited:
AThousandWishes said:
Preface: Not upset or hopeless or desperate.

I don't believe in true love but the concept of finding someone (if you're monogamous) who you are happy with. I wonder if people in relationships, ever wonder if they made a mistake choosing and stay because of life.

Do you think people actually find love or just settle? And settling isn't a bad thing - it's something not said out loud.
Click to expand...
What is true love? You could ask 100 different people that question and get 100 different answers.

I think there are people who 'settle' with what they have got weather it be due to pressure from cultures, like arranged marriages for example, but is it true love? I guess only the couple in that marriage could answer that.

But what is love?

Is it creating a family together, is it enjoying each other company, is it having common interests or is it contentment with yourself and your partner?

One thing I that ring true with me is what is love if you can't love yourself first?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top