OriginalScreenName
Bronze Member
Before I take a Dump
After I take a Dump
After I take a Dump
Please do not read this. You were warned.
- Thread starter OriginalScreenName
- Start date
^^^
OriginalScreenName
Bronze Member
True Stories
So this one time when I was in the Army at my permanent duty station I didn't have a room with my own bathroom in it and those of us who didn't; would have to use this gym-style bathroom with showers and stalls, so I had to take a **** one day. I was all alone sitting there taking a dump and I thought; ya know what would be hilarious.... If I left this giant turd here for the next person, but no toilet paper in the bowl, leaving them to think someone was walking around who didn't wipe. So I got up and hopped over to the next toilet, wiped up and left. well. It didn't end there, I go back the next day, and turns out two other people took a dump on top of my dump, lmfao but here is the kicker, no one wiped! so now there is a collecting pile of poo. well it gets even better, an entire week goes by, and everyone on the floor I was living on, evidently kept shitting in that toilet, lmfao not wiping, and I kid you not there was a giant mountain of human poo in this one poor toilet bowl it crested a good foot past the rim, which meant, people were climbing on top of the toilet, hovering over it and dropping a deuce, how nothing got on the floor was amazing.. And when I saw it I was like holy **** no way, and I also thought, wtf did these people seriously not wipe?
It doesn't end there no no. See word got to the company's first sergeant, and one afternoon in our afternoon formation, this grown ass man, ( black not that it matters ) is pacing back and forth across the company and said, I DONT KNOW WHO IS RESPONSIBLE, BUT SOMEONE TOOK A SXHIT IN THAT TOILET ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND WHAT HAPPENS ALL YALL **** IN IT; AN NOW THERE IS A BIG PILE OF SXHIT!
The utter disgust on his face was priceless but hearing a grown-ass man talking about a big pile of sxxhit was hilarious, to which the guy next to me started to snicker and I had to hold a poker face or else I was going to burst into laughter which I did not.
Surprisingly no one got in trouble, and I was never caught being the instigator. Now here is the fun fact, America's tax dollars were spent to pay some poor soul to clean it all up. I have no clue who cleaned it, I imagine one of those rotor rooter people with the giant hoses they use to clean up portable shitters.
So the end to that BUT
it didn't end there a month later, this asshole I worked with, made the mistake of taking a dump up there while I was up there, and those restrooms are for those of us who were living in the barracks, he should have taken a dump on the first floor, and once again, it was empty well, just the two of us, I was there first, so i'm dropping bombs like Hiroshima having a good time, and this asshole in the next stall starts to complain about the smell and is asking for a courtesy flush, but I just start laughing, and he is like COME ON MAN JUST FLUSH, and I'm like Nope, You're in my house now! , and he is just crying, COME ON MAN FUCKING NASTY YOU LIKE THE SMELL DONT YOU COME ON JUST FLUSH, and I'm like NOPE, lmfao he didn't even finish shitting he just flushed and ran out to go somewhere else to finish shitting.
good times.
so.....
Fast forward years later,
I am working at this manufacturing company as an assembler, and there were only two dismal small shitters. And one day once again, I had to poop really bad.
And it was bad.
But what made it great was three things, 1, two assholes were waiting on one of the toilets to open up, I was the first, and the disgusted look on their faces from standing there smelling everything was fantastic as I do not give courtesy flushes; 2, I left **** stains in the toilet, 3, this is the best part, customers who come to visit, also have to use those toilets.
SO IPSOFACTO SOME POOR CUSTOMER DID!
An the customer ( Male ) was so offended he complained to our manager, who in turn, and this was just priceless, called for a meeting for everyone on the floor, to complain about not cleaning the toilets after you poo because they are public toilets and everything has to be clean, so now mind you, this isn't a retail chain I was working for, this was a medium level sized manufacturing company making $100,000. equipment to go wherever it had to that we would put together, and there were about 20 of us in manufacturing. Now our asshole manager, took company time, to complain about the shitter; yet, he never considered that there was no toilet scrubber in either restroom to begin with, thus making his bitching totally pointless and just wasting everyones time.
The End.
Did you read this?
Why?
The f is your problem!? reading all of that?!
Yes, it is true, yes I wrote it, but holy F I didn't force you to read it at all.
Weirdo.
So this one time when I was in the Army at my permanent duty station I didn't have a room with my own bathroom in it and those of us who didn't; would have to use this gym-style bathroom with showers and stalls, so I had to take a **** one day. I was all alone sitting there taking a dump and I thought; ya know what would be hilarious.... If I left this giant turd here for the next person, but no toilet paper in the bowl, leaving them to think someone was walking around who didn't wipe. So I got up and hopped over to the next toilet, wiped up and left. well. It didn't end there, I go back the next day, and turns out two other people took a dump on top of my dump, lmfao but here is the kicker, no one wiped! so now there is a collecting pile of poo. well it gets even better, an entire week goes by, and everyone on the floor I was living on, evidently kept shitting in that toilet, lmfao not wiping, and I kid you not there was a giant mountain of human poo in this one poor toilet bowl it crested a good foot past the rim, which meant, people were climbing on top of the toilet, hovering over it and dropping a deuce, how nothing got on the floor was amazing.. And when I saw it I was like holy **** no way, and I also thought, wtf did these people seriously not wipe?
It doesn't end there no no. See word got to the company's first sergeant, and one afternoon in our afternoon formation, this grown ass man, ( black not that it matters ) is pacing back and forth across the company and said, I DONT KNOW WHO IS RESPONSIBLE, BUT SOMEONE TOOK A SXHIT IN THAT TOILET ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND WHAT HAPPENS ALL YALL **** IN IT; AN NOW THERE IS A BIG PILE OF SXHIT!
The utter disgust on his face was priceless but hearing a grown-ass man talking about a big pile of sxxhit was hilarious, to which the guy next to me started to snicker and I had to hold a poker face or else I was going to burst into laughter which I did not.
Surprisingly no one got in trouble, and I was never caught being the instigator. Now here is the fun fact, America's tax dollars were spent to pay some poor soul to clean it all up. I have no clue who cleaned it, I imagine one of those rotor rooter people with the giant hoses they use to clean up portable shitters.
So the end to that BUT
it didn't end there a month later, this asshole I worked with, made the mistake of taking a dump up there while I was up there, and those restrooms are for those of us who were living in the barracks, he should have taken a dump on the first floor, and once again, it was empty well, just the two of us, I was there first, so i'm dropping bombs like Hiroshima having a good time, and this asshole in the next stall starts to complain about the smell and is asking for a courtesy flush, but I just start laughing, and he is like COME ON MAN JUST FLUSH, and I'm like Nope, You're in my house now! , and he is just crying, COME ON MAN FUCKING NASTY YOU LIKE THE SMELL DONT YOU COME ON JUST FLUSH, and I'm like NOPE, lmfao he didn't even finish shitting he just flushed and ran out to go somewhere else to finish shitting.
good times.
so.....
Fast forward years later,
I am working at this manufacturing company as an assembler, and there were only two dismal small shitters. And one day once again, I had to poop really bad.
And it was bad.
But what made it great was three things, 1, two assholes were waiting on one of the toilets to open up, I was the first, and the disgusted look on their faces from standing there smelling everything was fantastic as I do not give courtesy flushes; 2, I left **** stains in the toilet, 3, this is the best part, customers who come to visit, also have to use those toilets.
SO IPSOFACTO SOME POOR CUSTOMER DID!
An the customer ( Male ) was so offended he complained to our manager, who in turn, and this was just priceless, called for a meeting for everyone on the floor, to complain about not cleaning the toilets after you poo because they are public toilets and everything has to be clean, so now mind you, this isn't a retail chain I was working for, this was a medium level sized manufacturing company making $100,000. equipment to go wherever it had to that we would put together, and there were about 20 of us in manufacturing. Now our asshole manager, took company time, to complain about the shitter; yet, he never considered that there was no toilet scrubber in either restroom to begin with, thus making his bitching totally pointless and just wasting everyones time.
The End.
Did you read this?
Why?
The f is your problem!? reading all of that?!
Yes, it is true, yes I wrote it, but holy F I didn't force you to read it at all.
Weirdo.
OriginalScreenName
Bronze Member
Also
This one time when I was working at Home Depot, I was killing time in the very back of lumber along the back wall, chilling,
I dunno wtf I ate for lunch but it didn't agree with me, and I swear I cracked the rankest fart I had ever cracked it was so bad I had to run from it. bout 10 seconds go by and im like, hmm i wonder if it is still there, and i go back and sure enough it was, the fart I created was so lethal and there was no air flow to carry it away it just stayed there hovering.
so I back quickly away from it and go back to doing nothing, and a customer heads over to where I just cracked this killer fart, and im like no way this stupid son of a bitch is going to walk right into it, and sure enough he was standing right where I created it. and 5 seconds later, lol the son of a bitch cringes and shakes his face in disgust lmfao and took off.
was a great moment in fart history.
This one time when I was working at Home Depot, I was killing time in the very back of lumber along the back wall, chilling,
I dunno wtf I ate for lunch but it didn't agree with me, and I swear I cracked the rankest fart I had ever cracked it was so bad I had to run from it. bout 10 seconds go by and im like, hmm i wonder if it is still there, and i go back and sure enough it was, the fart I created was so lethal and there was no air flow to carry it away it just stayed there hovering.
so I back quickly away from it and go back to doing nothing, and a customer heads over to where I just cracked this killer fart, and im like no way this stupid son of a bitch is going to walk right into it, and sure enough he was standing right where I created it. and 5 seconds later, lol the son of a bitch cringes and shakes his face in disgust lmfao and took off.
was a great moment in fart history.
You read it? I stopped reading after the mentioning of the Army. If I wanted to read fictional military stories, I'd go to my book shelf :
OriginalScreenName
Bronze Member
OriginalScreenName
Bronze Member
madam you have a comprehension problem, not once did I say I was at band camp.
-Luka
Customer Service
OriginalScreenName
Bronze Member
Madam, please, just because you are a karen doesn't mean anyone cares.
-Luka
Customer Service
Ok band camp Larry
OriginalScreenName
Bronze Member
Miss, please, I am not Larry nor do I attend band camp.
-Luka
Customer Service
Ok then, Miss Karen.
OriginalScreenName
Bronze Member
dumb dumb I already called you Karen , Madam, you have to come up with something else.
-Luka
Customer Service
ok band camp hannah