12 Signs of a Abuser

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Red Venus Moon

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I've had a few people come and ask me about this, so I thought maybe a few people in forums may be able to use this information. Please feel free to comment. I'm always here if anyone needs to talk!

(Credit: This information was given to me by my friend Amanda whom was a counsellor with The Domestic Violence shelter and the Crisis Center)

12 signs of a controlling personality and potential abuser

1. Jealousy
2. Blames others (including you) for his faults, him being the way he is
3. Blames circumstances for his problems (it's not me, it's how life is treating me)
4. His behaviour is unpredictable and you don't know what to expect from him at any time, in particular how he may greet you
5. He belittles you verbally, tries to take away your self-esteem and self-respect
6. He cannot control his anger and directs his anger at you regardless if his anger is due to something he feels you did or someone/something else
7. He always asks for a second chance to behave better
8. He says he'll change, that he won't do it again, after he's finished his tirade
9. His family resolves problems with violence, a history of violent behavior in his family, with brothers and sisters, against parents, his parents were argumentative and/or abusers
10. He plays on your guilt. (If you loved me, you'd...")
11. His behaviour often worsens when he uses alcohol or drugs, easily becoming uncontrollable
12. He is close-minded. His way is the only way and you'd better always do as he says.

Here is some numbers you can call for help...more will be added as I find them!

For USA calls:
The hotline for spouse abuse and domestic violence in the United States is 1-800-799-7233. They can refer you to women's shelters and other services in your area.
Here is another number: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

For UK calls:
The 24-hour freephone number is: 0808 2000 247​

For Canada
Phone: (613) 957-2938
TTY Toll-free: 1-800-561-5643
Toll-free: 1-800-267-1291

For Australia
Phone: (03) 9486-9866
TTY: (03) 9417-2155​

For Hotline for Muslim women and girls in the U.K
Phone: 0181 904 8193 or 0181 908 6715

For Sweden
Phone: 08-422 99 30

For Northern Ireland
Phone: (028) 90 249041
Helpline: (028) 90 331818

For Nottelefon Zurich
Phone: 01-291 46 46

For Provincial Association of Transition Houses of Saskatchewan
Phone: (306) 522-3515

For Scottish Women's Aid
Phone: 0131 475 2372

For Philippines
Phone: 430 4207/430 4227



 
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You know, men who act this way anger me SO much! :curse: If they weren't so destructive and horrible then I'd pity them.
Women also act in this way too, but I've been fortunate not to encounter one yet.
 

5. He belittles you verbally, tries to take away your self-esteem and self-respect
6. He cannot control his anger and directs his anger at you regardless if his anger is due to something he feels you did or someone/something else
7. He always asks for a second chance to behave better
8. He says he'll change, that he won't do it again, after he's finished his tirade
10. He plays on your guilt. (If you loved me, you'd...")
11. His behaviour often worsens when he uses alcohol or drugs, easily becoming uncontrollable
12. He is close-minded. His way is the only way and you'd better always do as he says.
all these apply to me from my past thank god they dont anymore i got out but took me a long time to leave​
 
Red Venus Moon said:
I've had a few people come and ask me about this, so I thought maybe a few people in forums may be able to use this information. Please feel free to comment. I'm always here if anyone needs to talk!

(Credit: This information was given to me by my friend Amanda whom was a counsellor with The Domestic Violence shelter and the Crisis Center)

12 signs of a controlling personality and potential abuser

1. Jealousy
2. Blames others (including you) for his faults, him being the way he is
3. Blames circumstances for his problems (it's not me, it's how life is treating me)
4. His behaviour is unpredictable and you don't know what to expect from him at any time, in particular how he may greet you
5. He belittles you verbally, tries to take away your self-esteem and self-respect
6. He cannot control his anger and directs his anger at you regardless if his anger is due to something he feels you did or someone/something else
7. He always asks for a second chance to behave better
8. He says he'll change, that he won't do it again, after he's finished his tirade
9. His family resolves problems with violence, a history of violent behavior in his family, with brothers and sisters, against parents, his parents were argumentative and/or abusers
10. He plays on your guilt. (If you loved me, you'd...")
11. His behaviour often worsens when he uses alcohol or drugs, easily becoming uncontrollable
12. He is close-minded. His way is the only way and you'd better always do as he says.
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I agree with all of this.... been in this situation myself and it isnt fun....:reallysad This is good info for people to know, so many people out there that does not know the signs..And unfortunately there are so many going through this that continue to go through this, I finally got out of it, but so many that do not...
 
No offense but you should have continued the post with hotlines or websites on where to turn to if you're in an abusive relationship and want out.
 
Gabriel said:
No offense but you should have continued the post with hotlines or websites on where to turn to if you're in an abusive relationship and want out.
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good idea but no offence all women that are abused love there partners and its very hard to leave them but eventually we do u just get summin in u and u go and dont think of the consequences i stayed with my husband for 3 and a half yrs because i loved him and thought he would change but he didnt it just got worse so eventually i cracked and said to myself i can be better without him i got strong and left it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do but now i am so glad i did it and i wish i hadnt waited all those yrs but when ur in that situation its easy for other ppl to say "i wouldnt put up with it" but when u love someone that much u think there words are the truth and u believe in them its very hard​
 
angelbabe said:
good idea but no offence all women that are abused love there partners and its very hard to leave them but eventually we do u just get summin in u and u go and dont think of the consequences i stayed with my husband for 3 and a half yrs because i loved him and thought he would change but he didnt it just got worse so eventually i cracked and said to myself i can be better without him i got strong and left it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do but now i am so glad i did it and i wish i hadnt waited all those yrs but when ur in that situation its easy for other ppl to say "i wouldnt put up with it" but when u love someone that much u think there words are the truth and u believe in them its very hard​
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Well yeah they love their partner and list 99 other excuses to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Hence the point of hotlines and third parties help.

Love isn't the most important thing in the world.
 
Gabriel - I agree with you there. However, the other side to it is that it is so hard to leave someone that abuses you, whether its physically, mentally or emotionally.

Abuse can leave you feeling depressed, worthless and most of the time, the person abusing you will tell you that "nobody will love you like I do", "nobody understands you like I do", "If you leave me, you'll regret it till you die", that sort of thing.

And if you're told that enough, you believe it.

Sometimes, talking to a third party can really help out, but its getting the courage to call them, to talk to someone about what you're going through and often, talking about it is harder than leaving. Many abused people don't like to talk about it, they feel ashamed, guilty and as though it is their fault, as though they did something to deserve it.

Anyway, kudos to Red for posting this. And for the record - I experience these:

1. Jealousy
4. His behaviour is unpredictable and you don't know what to expect from him at any time, in particular how he may greet you
6. He cannot control his anger and directs his anger at you regardless if his anger is due to something he feels you did or someone/something else
7. He always asks for a second chance to behave better
8. He says he'll change, that he won't do it again, after he's finished his tirade
10. He plays on your guilt. (If you loved me, you'd...")
12. He is close-minded. His way is the only way and you'd better always do as he says.

 
You know it never occured to me that some people on here are actually in abusive relationships, so my condolences *hugs all* It's probably redundant for me to say this, but you all deserve someone who respects you.

Love may not seem like everything to you Gabriel, but to some it's the cornerstone of their life, and besides the abuser will make the abused person feel morally responsible for his/her actions.

As far as hotlines, for which country? US hotlines won't be any use for a person in the UK and vice versa. If someone wants help, they know where to find it. It's often the first step and admitting you're not at fault for the situation which seems the hardest.
 
For the people saying the 'other side of the story' or 'the truth about getting out', I know. It was just a suggestion to list it. It's not like it'd hurt anything.
 
Great idea about the numbers Gabriel...if someone can pm the abuse hotline from the uk, australia..new zealand, africa..and any other country.. I will add it to my list! I'm having a problem finding them on ******!Thank you for the idea!
 
You know that some women become sucked into abusive relationships sometimes for a variety of reasons, but one in particular is when her family can actually see what kind of man she's tying herself to and do everything to warn her about him. They kind of want to try to prove to their family that they're wrong, so once the man begins to control her they're ashamed to now go back and admit their mistake.

Also when kids are involved then it's a woman's priority to run for it as fast as they can. These days there's much more help for victims of domestic violence unlike years ago when it was looked on as the norm.
 
Thanks to Cat and Elmo for finding some additional phone numbers. If I have left out a country, which I'm sure I have, and you want it added to the list, just email me the numbers and country and I will add it to the list :D
 
ΩcatΩ;2912158 said:
You know that some women become sucked into abusive relationships sometimes for a variety of reasons, but one in particular is when her family can actually see what kind of man she's tying herself to and do everything to warn her about him. They kind of want to try to prove to their family that they're wrong, so once the man begins to control her they're ashamed to now go back and admit their mistake.
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Agreed wholeheartedly.

It's always the way that family and friends see it before you do and when they try to warn you, you don't want to listen . . . By the time you've figured it out for yourself, it's really hard to tell everyone they were right.
 
My college Psych Professor also said that the way men treat animals (especially pets) is a strong indicator of whether or not a guy is abusive. If your guy has a habit of kicking the dog, then that's a bad sign.

I don't know of many physically abusive women. I think most women abuse in other ways, like belittling their partners, telling him he's not good enough, etc. The point is--men or women--people tend to do whatever they think they can get away with; they'll walk all over you if you let them.

Sadly, too many women allow themselves to be mistreated. If every female put her foot down and took a stand that she will not be treated that way, the overwhelming majority of guys would straighten their act out real quick. :lol:

I'm always seeing commercials about young boys watching their fathers (or some other man) being abusive to women. The message: Teach boys that violence against women is wrong.

Okay but ... where are all the commercials teaching young girls that they don't have to put up with that crap? :dontknow:
 
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