My bottled-up feelings

LoveGary

LoveGary

Active Member
Every glance was a conversation. Silence was loud. Air was heavy. The moment was present. We were there. Just being there. Eyes playing and saying what needed to be said. Do you remember? Well, I do. And I can no longer do anything to express my feelings except to write it out. I miss the time when we crystallized our feelings together. I need you. I miss you.
 
I always failed to express my feelings to you. To be honest, the words “I love you” couldn’t event express my feeling enough. What I was trying to say was that I adore you. I admire you. You mean more to me than anyone else in the world. I cherish the time we spent together. Every time I said those three little words, I was trying to remind you that you are the best thing that has ever happened in my life.
 
oh Gary, why? why?

season 5 new digs GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants
 
Feeling lonely and misunderstood is the curse of an INFJ I guess. Even my current bf keeps saying hurtful words to me. Who can understand me? Who can comfort me? Then, he told me my face lit up when I was telling him how I met my ex, and the experiences I had. I can’t lie. It was beautiful. It was what I have always yearned for. My ex has the same dark humor. My bf now, keeps telling me to stop doing that. I like teasing, he doesn’t. So i stop. I like to handle problem logically, he he tells me I’m belittling and invalidating his problem. I didn’t say it’s not a big deal. I just like to keep calm and solve it without being overwhelmed, which is by making the problem seems smaller and think of the bigger picture. Again, I was misunderstood. So I stop. He always comes to me with his problem and I would console him and offer him help. But at the end, I am at fault again. And then, the next day, he acts as if nothing happens and looks so happy. I’m so confused. I feel so lonely ..
 
I miss my ex so much.. it felt so familiar yet two different beings.. especially in moment like this, he could just be there and stay silent, and I would feel alright, listening to the silence of our midnights.. just two boys with too much ambition, embracing each other, seeking that warmth from each other’s heart in this cold world, staring at the ceiling with our hands gesturing our dreams in the air without making any sense.. but we understood each other. We told each other our chaotic phases, what we learnt, how we changed. How we are scarred. That innocent wondering, laughters, playful banters. I didn’t even have to restrain myself. Some way, somehow, I know you were alright with it. I couldn’t even believe I could laugh like that again when I was with you. As I grew older, I realized it’s harder to laugh heartily. But with you, I felt safe and could be my old self again. The happy boy. You found me when I was lost. And perhaps, you were lost too. And we found each other. But our circumstances keeps us apart. It could have been you. It could have been me. This could have been us. And now we are aiming for our dreams separately. And i truly hope I would meet you again in the future. I was so enchanted to meet you..
 
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