What’s a "harmless" lie society accepts that actually does a ton of damage?

Emrys

Emrys

Member
I’ve been stuck on a bit of a psychological rabbit hole lately, thinking about how easily our brains accept repeated wisdom as fact. Honestly, I really wish more forums had dedicated sections for Psychology or Human Behavior, because it’s endlessly fascinating to me how quickly we absorb cultural scripts and just run with them, even when our own real life experiences are telling us something totally different. We repeat these sayings without thinking, but when you step back, a lot of them end up subtly messing with people's heads.

I’m not talking about polite white lies like telling a coworker their haircut looks fine. I mean the bigger, everyday phrases or cultural "truths" that everyone takes for granted, but actually do a lot of quiet damage.

A few that came to my mind:

"Hard work is all you need." It sounds motivating, but in practice, it usually just leads to burnout and makes people feel like personal failures when luck or circumstances don't go their way.

"You can be whatever you want to be." It comes from a good place, but it can create this weird existential paralysis or deep guilt when reality sets boundaries.

"Blood is thicker than water." Mostly just used to guilt people into tolerating toxic family dynamics they'd never accept from anyone else.

What’s a "harmless" lie or societal script you think needs to go?
 
BlackLivesMatter said:
If you accept Jesus your soul will go to heaven. Religion is the opioid of the masses.
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Religion definitely has its share of deep-seated scripts, but I was actually hoping to explore this through a broader psychological lens rather than a religious one! (Full disclosure: I'm Pagan, so dogmatic heaven/hell scripts aren't really my angle anyway.)

I’m more fascinated by the casual, everyday lies our brains accept as normal; things about productivity, relationships, or success that warp how we think. Have you noticed any secular or everyday sayings that do quiet damage?
 
NavyWings said:
Climate change (previously global warming) is an existential threat.
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Interesting pull. The conversation around how that gets framed and how people react to it is definitely massive right now. What makes you view it as one of those societal 'lies,' and how do you see it impacting people?
 
I do agree that the blood is thicker than water one is a common misconception I'm all for helping family as I myself am very family orientated but it also makes some feel obligated to help I had this in a similar situation with my cousin and in the long run it did more harm than good, plus depending on the type of person they are they alot of the time rely on your loyalty, and good nature just my personal perspective on one of these from experience
 
BlackLivesMatter said:
If you accept Jesus your soul will go to heaven. Religion is the opioid of the masses.
Click to expand...

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NavyWings said:
Climate change (previously global warming) is an existential threat.
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People who believe this are the actual threat. Conservative billionaires have brain washed people into believing its a hoax. These are the same types of people who paid to block studies that linked tobacco to cancer and for years pushed it as a safe habit.

With zero proof, you reject the findings by nearly every world renowned scientist, and trust some trouser stains and podcast morons over professionals. Same issue with covid, and stupidity ended up costing so many lives.
 
Emrys said:
Interesting pull. The conversation around how that gets framed and how people react to it is definitely massive right now. What makes you view it as one of those societal 'lies,' and how do you see it impacting people?
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I'm a data guy. I do it for a living. I have 5 degrees, 3 of them masters, all but one in STEM fields. I understand the scientific method quite well. I understand small data pools over eons of possible data. Measurement error, assumptions etc. I'm all about "show me the data."

The community that ascribes to the lie has taken it beyond just science and moved it into the political. With companies forced (blackmailed) to meet imposed ESG numbers. Companies and individuals forced to purchased carbon credits to offset something that cannot be controlled by man. Companies scale back in order to have sufficient capital to meet the envoinmental Nazis' demands and people lose livlihoods. Some with no real opportunity to move to another field. But who cares? It's just another windmill that will kill the birds the envirnmentalists were trying to save last year. Products get reduced or eliminated because some environmental activist pressured the government to outlaw electric ovens while those same government people outlawing your oven are on private jets happy that the government is paying money to offset their carbon footprint paid for by good old taxpayer. I think you get the jist.
 
NavyWings said:
I'm a data guy. I do it for a living. I have 5 degrees, 3 of them masters, all but one in STEM fields. I understand the scientific method quite well. I understand small data pools over eons of possible data. Measurement error, assumptions etc. I'm all about "show me the data."

The community that ascribes to the lie has taken it beyond just science and moved it into the political. With companies forced (blackmailed) to meet imposed ESG numbers. Companies and individuals forced to purchased carbon credits to offset something that cannot be controlled by man. Companies scale back in order to have sufficient capital to meet the envoinmental Nazis' demands and people lose livlihoods. Some with no real opportunity to move to another field. But who cares? It's just another windmill that will kill the birds the envirnmentalists were trying to save last year. Products get reduced or eliminated because some environmental activist pressured the government to outlaw electric ovens while those same government people outlawing your oven are on private jets happy that the government is paying money to offset their carbon footprint paid for by good old taxpayer. I think you get the jist.
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Thanks for expanding on this. You’re pointing to what happens when a complex topic gets turned into a moral absolute. It stops being a conversation and just becomes a purity test.

When 'existential threat' becomes the blanket script, it gives people in power a pass to skip the hard questions about carbon markets, economic fallout, or blatant hypocrisy. At the end of the day, ignoring those real world trade-offs usually just hurts regular people who don't have the luxury of playing political games with their money.
 
When it is encouraged to take the high road or to rise above is always best option. Too much of this and one can encourage ppl to dis-respect and can end up losing their voice and self-respect. Suppressing every response doesn't necessarily make you less angry. Sometimes it just pushes the anger underground until it becomes bitterness, withdrawal, or an eventual explosion. Discernment is required to strike a healthy balance. This habit will deter ppl from taking responsibility for shitty behaviour and not encourage growth and self-awareness on their part. Making ppl aware of crossing a boundary, or letting them know their behaviour is "not cool" doesnt have to be expressed in a mean way.

Real life example: Lost a friend because we've known each other for decades and whenever I called her out on shady behaviour she would crumple into an emotional puddle and play victim. So eventually I just started rising above, became the bigger person and over the years her behaviour became worse and more toxic. I had hoped with age she would grow and develop some emotional intelligence. Eventually I had to terminate a long standing friendship because I lost myself along the way and it just encouraged her to become a very toxic friend/person with no sign of improving or changing, I did not do either of us any favours by rising above.
 
Pandora said:
When it is encouraged to take the high road or to rise above is always best option. Too much of this and one can encourage ppl to dis-respect and can end up losing their voice and self-respect. Suppressing every response doesn't necessarily make you less angry. Sometimes it just pushes the anger underground until it becomes bitterness, withdrawal, or an eventual explosion. Discernment is required to strike a healthy balance. This habit will deter ppl from taking responsibility for shitty behaviour and not encourage growth and self-awareness on their part. Making ppl aware of crossing a boundary, or letting them know their behaviour is "not cool" doesnt have to be expressed in a mean way.

Real life example: Lost a friend because we've known each other for decades and whenever I called her out on shady behaviour she would crumple into an emotional puddle and play victim. So eventually I just started rising above, became the bigger person and over the years her behaviour became worse and more toxic. I had hoped with age she would grow and develop some emotional intelligence. Eventually I had to terminate a long standing friendship because I lost myself along the way and it just encouraged her to become a very toxic friend/person with no sign of improving or changing, I did not do either of us any favours by rising above.
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Im willing to bet when youd own up to your mistakes or misbehavior, it was no problem for them to discuss it. People like that will never grow unless they start holding themselves accountable.
 
any subscription to any idea of superiority based on anything other than merit. I’m a firm believer that superiority ideology is a cancer on society. Such ideology always leads towards violence, and worse to non violent people looking past violence perpetrated on others because of the superiority complex. I believe in greatness….. right up until the point the it precludes the greatness of others. If you believe you were born superior…. For whatever reason. You are nothing but a narcissist.
 
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