12 Signs of a Abuser

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men and women who are abusive sicken me! There is no reason for a man to hit a women and vise versa. I had an ex that hit me, but the second time he put his hands on me, he regretted it, he still does to this day. All in all thank you for posting this!​
 
There's no excuse for hitting anyone in anger, least of all someone who you are in a relationship with. It's a betrayal of trust, and something like that should mean the quick end of any relationship.

To all the victims;

It's him/her, not you.
There is nothing you could have done to deserve it.
Don't just assume he/she will change. If he/she does change, you can get together again.
Talk to someone.
You are not alone.
 
Glad this is out there. There are a lot of abusive relationships out there. Thankfully i got out of one, but currently in a good one 🙂 Dont be afraid to stand up for yourself if you are in one!
 
Thanks for the information.
But i wanna know , is this a kind of mental problem or behavioral problem ?

🙂

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FRazier;45****7 said:
Thanks for the information.
But i wanna know , is this a kind of mental problem or behavioral problem ?

🙂

.................................................​
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The answer to your question is "yes."
 
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To whoever made this topic, I commend you for bringing up this awareness issue. And unfortunately, even for chat rooms like these, I've personally met many users who are very anti-social in real life, extreme introverts (and they are this way because of some kind of abuse, cause I've talked to them), and I have even talked with several users who have been through situations that one couldn't even imagine or believe. Abuse of any kind is a sad, unfortunate evil that exists in society.

I'd like to point out a few things.

1. I saw a few people mention "I hate MEN who abuse women". First of all, I'm sorry ladies, but they are not MEN. Men don't hit women, period.

2. I read all 12 signs of abuse, and I'd like to add one more to that. This is a topic that I've studied in college, wrote papers on, and even talked to social workers about.

A 13th sign I'd like to add is this #13: The abuser will try to isolate you from your friends and family. This results from either jealousy, or their attempt to further control and dictate every aspect of your life.

As someone already mentioned....if kids are involved, then it would seem obvious that the abused would think "I gotta get my kids out of this right away" and high tail it out of there. I wish it were that easy for most of them. =/ From cases I've studied, alot of the abused don't take this route because they think

1) Attempting to flee will cause the (unpredictable) abuser to react violently, thus endangering her kids even more.
or
2) in some cases, the abuser even has the kids against the abused (for example, brainwashing the kids into thinking the abused parent is despicable, worthless, sad, etc). This is an unfortunate case especially if the kids are older.

As people already mentioned, its hard to "convince" the abused individual to leave their situation, especially because the abused may be too afraid or even have all these irrational reasons as to why they can't leave. If I were to personally know of someone being abused, I would sure as hell keep an eye on that person, keep records of any kind (to gather for a case to bring to the police), or if the situation were really dire where I felt their life would be threatened any second, gather as many close people to that person as possible and do an immediate intervention.
 
Guys aren't always the bad one in the relationship. I've been in bad relationships with women, brother has too. Lets add "(s)" before each "he" yeah?
 
Red Venus Moon said:
I've had a few people come and ask me about this, so I thought maybe a few people in forums may be able to use this information. Please feel free to comment. I'm always here if anyone needs to talk!

(Credit: This information was given to me by my friend Amanda whom was a counsellor with The Domestic Violence shelter and the Crisis Center)

12 signs of a controlling personality and potential abuser

1. Jealousy
2. Blames others (including you) for his faults, him being the way he is
3. Blames cir***stances for his problems (it's not me, it's how life is treating me)
4. His behaviour is unpredictable and you don't know what to expect from him at any time, in particular how he may greet you
5. He belittles you verbally, tries to take away your self-esteem and self-respect
6. He cannot control his anger and directs his anger at you regardless if his anger is due to something he feels you did or someone/something else
7. He always asks for a second chance to behave better
8. He says he'll change, that he won't do it again, after he's finished his tirade
9. His family resolves problems with violence, a history of violent behavior in his family, with brothers and sisters, against parents, his parents were argumentative and/or abusers
10. He plays on your guilt. (If you loved me, you'd...")
11. His behaviour often worsens when he uses alcohol or drugs, easily becoming uncontrollable
12. He is close-minded. His way is the only way and you'd better always do as he says.

Here is some numbers you can call for help...more will be added as I find them!

For USA calls:
The hotline for spouse abuse and domestic violence in the United States is 1-800-799-7233. They can refer you to women's shelters and other services in your area.
Here is another number: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

For UK calls:
The 24-hour freephone number is: 0808 2000 247​

For Canada
Phone: (613) 957-2938
TTY Toll-free: 1-800-561-5643
Toll-free: 1-800-267-1291

For Australia
Phone: (03) 9486-9866
TTY: (03) 9417-2155​

For Hotline for Muslim women and girls in the U.K
Phone: 0181 904 8193 or 0181 908 6715

For Sweden
Phone: 08-422 99 30

For Northern Ireland
Phone: (028) 90 249041
Helpline: (028) 90 331818

For Nottelefon Zurich
Phone: 01-291 46 46

For Provincial Association of Transition Houses of Saskatchewan
Phone: (306) 522-3515

For Scottish Women's Aid
Phone: 0131 475 2372

For Philippines
Phone: 430 4207/430 4227
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I'm sorry to grave dig but its a sticky. Why is this so gender bias all i see is "he" "his problems" uhmmmm news flash girls can be quite abusive in relationships too rofl. Should probably fix that.
 
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GoMiamiHeat! said:
I'm sorry to grave dig but its a sticky. Why is this so gender bias all i see is "he" "his problems" uhmmmm news flash girls can be quite abusive in relationships too rofl. Should probably fix that.
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on that note i have heard that women are more abusive than men, and there have been studies that seem to suggest just that

https://www.saveservices.org/2012/02/cdc-study-more-men-than-women-victims-of-partner-abuse/

that said-if you figure in assaults(to include rape), there are undoubtedly more female victims of violence than men per year

when it comes to strictly domestic abuse though it seems that women are more often the aggressors and feel they can get away with it today either because men don't report it or because women feel they can lie their way out of it.

not going to lie, i'd personally raise an eyebrow at a guy who was in an abusive relationship with a woman but men are raised to "never hit a woman" and they take it seriously, but that begs the question of who the fuck came up with that?

seems to imply it's okay to hit other guys at some point or something.
 
Gabriel said:
on that note i have heard that women are more abusive than men, and there have been studies that seem to suggest just that

https://www.saveservices.org/2012/02/cdc-study-more-men-than-women-victims-of-partner-abuse/

that said-if you figure in assaults(to include rape), there are undoubtedly more female victims of violence than men per year

when it comes to strictly domestic abuse though it seems that women are more often the aggressors and feel they can get away with it today either because men don't report it or because women feel they can lie their way out of it.

not going to lie, i'd personally raise an eyebrow at a guy who was in an abusive relationship with a woman but men are raised to "never hit a woman" and they take it seriously, but that begs the question of who the fuck came up with that?

seems to imply it's okay to hit other guys at some point or something.
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I agree on the physical side of course its no question men beat and **** women probably much much more often and it's just common knowledge but the OP was bringing up the mental abuse and verbal abuse side of it which like you said it could very well be women leading men in that department.

And yes in many societies if a man hits a woman hes going to jail. Woman hits a man or slaps the mess outta him he deserved it. It's a double standard.
 
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