I'm a victom. :reallysad::reallysad:
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12 Signs of a Abuser
- Thread starter Red Venus Moon
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I've had a few people come and ask me about this, so I thought maybe a few people in forums may be able to use this information. Please feel free to comment. I'm always here if anyone needs to talk!
(Credit: This information was given to me by my friend Amanda whom was a counsellor with The Domestic Violence shelter and the Crisis Center)
12 signs of a controlling personality and potential abuser
1. Jealousy
2. Blames others (including you) for his faults, him being the way he is
3. Blames cir***stances for his problems (it's not me, it's how life is treating me)
4. His behaviour is unpredictable and you don't know what to expect from him at any time, in particular how he may greet you
5. He belittles you verbally, tries to take away your self-esteem and self-respect
6. He cannot control his anger and directs his anger at you regardless if his anger is due to something he feels you did or someone/something else
7. He always asks for a second chance to behave better
8. He says he'll change, that he won't do it again, after he's finished his tirade
9. His family resolves problems with violence, a history of violent behavior in his family, with brothers and sisters, against parents, his parents were argumentative and/or abusers
10. He plays on your guilt. (If you loved me, you'd...")
11. His behaviour often worsens when he uses alcohol or drugs, easily becoming uncontrollable
12. He is close-minded. His way is the only way and you'd better always do as he says.
Here is some numbers you can call for help...more will be added as I find them!
For USA calls:
The hotline for spouse abuse and domestic violence in the United States is 1-800-799-7233. They can refer you to women's shelters and other services in your area.
Here is another number: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
For UK calls:
The 24-hour freephone number is: 0808 2000 247
For Canada
Phone: (613) 957-2938
TTY Toll-free: 1-800-561-5643
Toll-free: 1-800-267-1291
For Australia
Phone: (03) 9486-9866
TTY: (03) 9417-2155
For Hotline for Muslim women and girls in the U.K
Phone: 0181 904 8193 or 0181 908 6715
For Sweden
Phone: 08-422 99 30
For Northern Ireland
Phone: (028) 90 249041
Helpline: (028) 90 331818
For Nottelefon Zurich
Phone: 01-291 46 46
For Provincial Association of Transition Houses of Saskatchewan
Phone: (306) 522-3515
For Scottish Women's Aid
Phone: 0131 475 2372
For Philippines
Phone: 430 4207/430 4227
Um...ty for the info. Just in case, I'll contact the abuse center when needed 🙂
I've been in two abusive relationships, and something that's often not mentioned is how they tend to be in the beginning stages BEFORE the abuse begins. I haven't scrolled through to see if this was mentioned, but often in the beginning, abusers will be constantly texting, calling, showing up wherever you are. Compliments over the top. Constantly wanting every minute of your time. At first, you are like wow, this is so nice, no one has ever made me feel so special. But, the reason they come on so strongly and so fast, is to gain your trust quickly. Then, the abuse slowly begins...
((hugs)) to anyone in this thread who has been abused in any way. It's the most frightening thing to have to go through.
((hugs)) to anyone in this thread who has been abused in any way. It's the most frightening thing to have to go through.
this thread is labeled wrong
this thread is labeled wrong
OK so first off I'm a man who has been an abuser and ended up in prison for three years and have a strike on my record and fit into the violent criminal section that society views as deserving to rot in a cell. While saying that other criminals like drug dealers and thieves are really good people and release them early because of over crowdeding in prisons and jails.
I've done my time and did my 52 week angermanagement after I got out.
In 1999 and I have not used violence since and have been through a ten year marriage since with another woman that is now my ex wife and I kept my hands to myself through it all .
I could talk your jaw off on some of the things I have been through and I think I am a good person who just ended up in a bad situation and believe that violence solves nothing.
So my gripe is this I saw the sticky post sign of an abuser...I clicked it and there was a list of 12 things that all started with. "HE" as if women don't abuse men or children and I read the list and let me just say first .your trying to profile abusers like the FBI try to profile serial killers.
You can't tell if someone going to be violent with you until they get violent with you !
Do you understand ? Your list tells women and women only that abusers are all men that men who get a red flag from your list shouldnt be trusted and avoided as if they are unable to control themselves and that's just crap. Ladies don't let a thread undermine your own intell*****s and judgement and tell you who to date who to marry. And the fact is that people don't always get along and in relationships there are a million different things that can lead to names being called ., **** getting broke and it's not hate it hurt that sparks the fire. . This thread is like a support group for women posted by a woman who I would assume has been a victim of abuse of a man and had she had known about these 12 signs things would be different .
By the way not all men who are accused of putting hands on a woman are guilty. First time I was accused I arguingnwith my gf and said I was leaving and loaded my stuff in car . We talked through the window of the car cause she didn't want me to go but I just wanted her to help out and so after listening to an 18 yr old woman wine like a child I drive Offa's I did she fell in the road holding her gut. This was in front of her mom and dad's we lived next door. So I went to a friend's I wasnt gonna leave her I just wanted her to know I will go if she didn't help with responsibilities around the house. Well after a few hours I took a drive and I past by our house next to her parents and they shouted at me and waved me down so I stopped to see what they wanted to talk to me about and her mom and two sisters pulled me by the hair through the window and was kicking and slapping and cussing me like a dog . I got to my car and drove to the park crying . Not from the ass kicking but from my gf saying I hit her and everyone thinking I was a woman beater and I wasnt and wasnt raised to women . Another time a female friend of mine wanted to talk to me important! So we sat at the kitchen table and she said that my gf (not the same one as was just talking about) had viruses on her arm and she told her it was from me shaking her and grabbing he ...I did no such thing and when I saw my gf I ask why she said such a lie and she told me that the brushes were from slamming dope and that she didn't want her friend to find out so she blamed me ....and I never slammed dope I wasnt really a bf gf we just hung out and screwed slot. But anyhow I'm not trying to say that after being accused and thought of as a woman beater I figured might as well do it if I gotta live it I'm no better than anyone but I've seen women abuse the hell out of a man and in a lot of cases the want the guy to hit them so they can be a victim and he will be in jail suffering for months over abusive female it's the good guys you gotta watch cause if your ****ing him over it will hurt him to be treated so bad while an ******* never cared for you anyway so he won't even give a **** . Men are learning what women have known for ever...women know men are stronger and can physically hurt them so fighting men leads to an ass whooping so you ladies are sneaky and have like a silent way of looking out for one another from us childish and stupid men . Women cover for other women cause they don't want to be the one who blabs to your husband and then see you with a black eye..anyhow I'm tired and just want to say it's nice to be important but more important to be nice .today's men know that women don't know how to be happy with a man because there are very few that are . Today's woman can work have kids and don't need a man and prefer to get with men and then actnlike he isn't manning up and doing the right thing when you know damn well those days age gun there is no manbox some men are ignorant still but some of us are scape goats for women to use by manipulatingn others into you need rescue from the no good man in your life .makes me ask all you women what good is a man ? Think about this ...if you don't know what good a man is ...how are you going to raise a son to be a good man . Peace ladies don't let me hit ya and for those who are getting beat and stay cause u think u deserve it and you love them your not doing him or you any good by repeating the cycle of violence. Phisical violence is the tip of the iceberg and only 10 percent of an iceberg is above water there is 90 percent of abuse isn't seen and don't get you jailed . Mental abuse ,sexual abuse, emotional abuse ,economic abuse. Verbal abuse are the 90 percent that nobody sees . Your thread for abusers seems like man hater mantra and no real talk about abuse prevention other than a phone number but ain't nobody gonna call that but they will call 911 when the **** goes down.
this thread is labeled wrong
OK so first off I'm a man who has been an abuser and ended up in prison for three years and have a strike on my record and fit into the violent criminal section that society views as deserving to rot in a cell. While saying that other criminals like drug dealers and thieves are really good people and release them early because of over crowdeding in prisons and jails.
I've done my time and did my 52 week angermanagement after I got out.
In 1999 and I have not used violence since and have been through a ten year marriage since with another woman that is now my ex wife and I kept my hands to myself through it all .
I could talk your jaw off on some of the things I have been through and I think I am a good person who just ended up in a bad situation and believe that violence solves nothing.
So my gripe is this I saw the sticky post sign of an abuser...I clicked it and there was a list of 12 things that all started with. "HE" as if women don't abuse men or children and I read the list and let me just say first .your trying to profile abusers like the FBI try to profile serial killers.
You can't tell if someone going to be violent with you until they get violent with you !
Do you understand ? Your list tells women and women only that abusers are all men that men who get a red flag from your list shouldnt be trusted and avoided as if they are unable to control themselves and that's just crap. Ladies don't let a thread undermine your own intell*****s and judgement and tell you who to date who to marry. And the fact is that people don't always get along and in relationships there are a million different things that can lead to names being called ., **** getting broke and it's not hate it hurt that sparks the fire. . This thread is like a support group for women posted by a woman who I would assume has been a victim of abuse of a man and had she had known about these 12 signs things would be different .
By the way not all men who are accused of putting hands on a woman are guilty. First time I was accused I arguingnwith my gf and said I was leaving and loaded my stuff in car . We talked through the window of the car cause she didn't want me to go but I just wanted her to help out and so after listening to an 18 yr old woman wine like a child I drive Offa's I did she fell in the road holding her gut. This was in front of her mom and dad's we lived next door. So I went to a friend's I wasnt gonna leave her I just wanted her to know I will go if she didn't help with responsibilities around the house. Well after a few hours I took a drive and I past by our house next to her parents and they shouted at me and waved me down so I stopped to see what they wanted to talk to me about and her mom and two sisters pulled me by the hair through the window and was kicking and slapping and cussing me like a dog . I got to my car and drove to the park crying . Not from the ass kicking but from my gf saying I hit her and everyone thinking I was a woman beater and I wasnt and wasnt raised to women . Another time a female friend of mine wanted to talk to me important! So we sat at the kitchen table and she said that my gf (not the same one as was just talking about) had viruses on her arm and she told her it was from me shaking her and grabbing he ...I did no such thing and when I saw my gf I ask why she said such a lie and she told me that the brushes were from slamming dope and that she didn't want her friend to find out so she blamed me ....and I never slammed dope I wasnt really a bf gf we just hung out and screwed slot. But anyhow I'm not trying to say that after being accused and thought of as a woman beater I figured might as well do it if I gotta live it I'm no better than anyone but I've seen women abuse the hell out of a man and in a lot of cases the want the guy to hit them so they can be a victim and he will be in jail suffering for months over abusive female it's the good guys you gotta watch cause if your ****ing him over it will hurt him to be treated so bad while an ******* never cared for you anyway so he won't even give a **** . Men are learning what women have known for ever...women know men are stronger and can physically hurt them so fighting men leads to an ass whooping so you ladies are sneaky and have like a silent way of looking out for one another from us childish and stupid men . Women cover for other women cause they don't want to be the one who blabs to your husband and then see you with a black eye..anyhow I'm tired and just want to say it's nice to be important but more important to be nice .today's men know that women don't know how to be happy with a man because there are very few that are . Today's woman can work have kids and don't need a man and prefer to get with men and then actnlike he isn't manning up and doing the right thing when you know damn well those days age gun there is no manbox some men are ignorant still but some of us are scape goats for women to use by manipulatingn others into you need rescue from the no good man in your life .makes me ask all you women what good is a man ? Think about this ...if you don't know what good a man is ...how are you going to raise a son to be a good man . Peace ladies don't let me hit ya and for those who are getting beat and stay cause u think u deserve it and you love them your not doing him or you any good by repeating the cycle of violence. Phisical violence is the tip of the iceberg and only 10 percent of an iceberg is above water there is 90 percent of abuse isn't seen and don't get you jailed . Mental abuse ,sexual abuse, emotional abuse ,economic abuse. Verbal abuse are the 90 percent that nobody sees . Your thread for abusers seems like man hater mantra and no real talk about abuse prevention other than a phone number but ain't nobody gonna call that but they will call 911 when the **** goes down.
AnUtopianist
New Member
A potentially abusive partner will usually be a sociopath or a psychopath depending on the situation. Sociopaths and psychopaths have been known to feel empty on the inside. Which is why they treat people in their relationships like punching bags to make them try to feel something when they are eternally empty on the inside no matter how many fights, drugs, and sexual activities they get. These sociopaths and psychopaths have brain structures that are different from average people's brain structures. Psychopaths lack the brains to feel empathy and sympathy towards people compared to average people, which can make psychopaths aggressive, manipulative, destructive, coldheartedly calculative, and "socially" imitative because psychopaths are like cold robots who are only good at "socially" imitating people's social norms instead of empathetically knowing why those people have their social norms in the first place, which makes psychopathy part of the autism spectrum because psychopaths don't have the brains to be able to socialize normally, they're only good at imitating normal people who are able to empathize and sympathize normally. Psychopaths will usually detect that something is wrong with them and that they don't fit in with average people because of the brain abnormality in psychopaths, so they will try to blend in with people. They, the psychopaths, usually get into relationships with people to blend in with society. Psychopaths are more likely to get divorced and have abused significant others than be in longlasting relationships and treat their significant others with respect, commitment, empathy, sympathy, and so forth. Sociopathy is the less extreme version of psychopathy, but sociopathy is borderline autism. Sociopaths can feel empathy and sympathy, but sociopaths usually feel less willing to be compassionate, respectful, sympathetic, selfless, and responsible for their actions compared to average people. Sociopaths are also more likely to get divorced or have people reject them from their lives because of their sociopathic tendencies because they would want to have a stable family in the future instead of dealing with a destructive sociopath that wreaks havoc in people's lives.
just/shell
New Member
The other thing i think is being over looked is when the abuse gets to a certain point you also have fear to deal with aswell, you start to think things like 'who will help me' i can't do this', im not good enough', ... it gets inside your head and you get lost in fear xoxox
If someone has already touched on this point im sorry 🙂 i havnt gone through all the replies :/ to close to home
If someone has already touched on this point im sorry 🙂 i havnt gone through all the replies :/ to close to home
AnUtopianist
New Member
A potential abuser might be identified if that person has unrealistic expectations towards their abusee, which might make the abusee feel like they have to work harder to make the abuser satisfied.
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