Blonde Joke

C

chinacryogenics

New Member
[FONT=&quot]A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The blonde finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop." [/FONT]
 
chinacryogenics said:
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The blonde finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Click to expand...

Hahahahah funny :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:
 
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
 
A blond goes into an electronics store and asks, "How much is this TV?" Salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blonds."

So she dyes her hair and comes back as a brunette. "How much is this TV?" she asks. Again the salesman says, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blonds."

Weeks later she goes in as a redhead, but again he announces, "We don't sell to blonds!" Finally she says, "My hair is red. How did you know I was really a blond?" The salesman says, "Because it's not a TV. It's a microwave."
 
A blond is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster announces that six Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident. The blond starts sobbing uncontrollably.

Confused, her husband says, "It is sad, but they were skydiving. There were risks involved."

After a few moments, the blond, still crying, asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"
 
Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take

them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
 
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say “I know what’s happened to you.” “What’s happened to me??” The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, “You have a broken finger.”
 
Did you hear about the blonde and the jigsaw puzzle?

She was so proud of herself because it took her only two months to complete it, and the box said "2-to-5 years."
 
After the helicopter crash, the blond pilot was asked what happened.

She replied, "It was getting chilly in there, so I turned the fan off."
 
A blonde walks into a bar that has a sign marked: "For Men Only".

"I'm sorry, ma'am," says the bartender. "We only serve men in this place."

"That's OK, " says the blonde. "I'll take two of them..."
 
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
 
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde.

He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked.

She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
 
A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773."

A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise, I would have died without it."
 
A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.

One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father?"
 
A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman.

He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, "Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lesbian."

The blonde goes over to her anyway and says, "So which part of Lesbia are you from?"
 
A cop saw a young blonde woman down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked.

Replied the woman, "I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it."

Asked the cop "Did you drop it right here?"

"No," responded the blonde, "I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here."
 
A blonde decided to paint a room.

When her husband got home, he asked, ‘Why are you wearing a ski jacket and a winter coat?’

She replied, ‘The can said for best results apply 2 coats.’
 
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?

“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”
 
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together.

Just yesterday one of you takes away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!!"
 
A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt.

'Sit down and tell me how it happened,' said the doctor.

'Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!'

'Okay, I see...But that's one ear - what about the other?'

'They called again!!
 
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
 
A blonde has sharp pains in her side.

The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."

The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
 
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

“Six please,” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
 
Did you hear about the near‑tragedy at the mall?

There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.
 
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"
 
Hamster Rotation GIF by MOODMAN
 
A blonde calls her boyfriend at work because she's so frustrated.
He asks her what's wrong'
She tells him she's trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle of a tiger but the picture doesn't match.
He tells her to relax and he'll take a look when he gets home.
Later, he looks at it and tells his girlfiiend it'll be okay, she can go to bed and he'll put the Frosted Flakes back in the cereal box.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top