I tell best dad jokes

[Hassy]

6:30 is the best time on the clock. Hands down.

tbh im more of a hands up kind of guy 😯😯

 

[PocketOfGlitter]

Did you hear about the cartoonist found dead at his home?

The details are sketchy.

 

[Jackobeem]

6:30 is the best time on the clock. Hands down.

tbh im more of a hands up kind of guy 😯😯

Speaking of best times, I hear that 2.30 is the best time to go to the dentist.

 

[Hassy]

Why do standup comedians perform poorly in Hawaii? Because the audience only responds in a low ha. 🤫

 

[PocketOfGlitter]

What’s the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.

 

[Hassy]

Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants? They give him good case ideas

 

[Jackobeem]

You can never run when you're camping. You can only ran, because it's past tents

 

[Hassy]

Why should you take an extra pair of socks when you go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one

 

[Irish_lady]

Did you hear about the magic tracktor... it turned into a field

 

[-Luka]

What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh.

.. leaving now

 

[-Luka]

Hi back again.

What do you call a man in a bath with no arms or legs?

Bob.

 

[Jackobeem]

Did you guys hear about the explosion at the French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie

 

[Amirista]

What if Walt Disney had a lisp?

Poor Mickey Mouth.

 

[Jackobeem]

To continue on the cheese theme:

What did the cheese say when it saw itself in the mirror? "Haloumi"!

 

[Mayhem]

Speaking of best times, I hear that 2.30 is the best time to go to the dentist.

Why 2:30 ?

 

[Jackobeem]

Why 2:30 ?

Tooth-hurty

 

[Mayhem]

Tooth-hurty

Lmaooooo 😂😂😂😂

 

[Deleted member 250213]

You know about that popular psychic that always charges for advice?

You know you will always get your two-sense worth

 

[Baby Universal]

so disappointed

 

[Jackobeem]

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

 

[Baby Universal]

*groans*

What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea

 

[Jackobeem]

*groans*

What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea

You stole my next joke. Rude.

 

[Deleted member 250213]

I went to a wedding between two aerials. The reception was great

 

[-Luka]

What do you say to a retarded dog?

Down, syndrome!

 

[Baby Universal]

You stole my next joke. Rude.

what do you call a deer with no eyes, legs or genitals? Still no fcking idea

 

[Deleted member 250213]

or what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and has been on fire for quite a while? Still flaming no idea.

That or burnt venison

 

[Baby Universal]

I started a group for men with erectile dysfunction.

It was a flop.


No one came

 

[Mayhem]

What do u call a cow that tells on his schoolmates



cattle tail

 

[Mayhem]

Hey do u know what they found on chris rocks face



fresh prince

 

[Jackobeem]

I have one joke that I'm holding back because it would substantially lower the tone of this thread (I know: me? Never!)

My biggest dream was always to become a juggler and perform in the circus, but I know that I don't really have the balls to do it.

 

[Irish_lady]

You know about that popular psychic that always charges for advice?

You know you will always get your two-sense worth

😑😑😑😑😑 sigh

 

[Irish_lady]

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck

 

[Irish_lady]

Why didnt the skelton go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with 🤣

 

[-Luka]

What do you call a black condom?

(K)night rider.

 

[Mayhem]

What do you call an expert fishreman?


a master baiter

 

[Mayhem]

What do dentist call their x-rays


tooth pics

 

[Hassy]

The internet connection in my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.

 

[Jackobeem]

I used to be the surgeon in charge of circumcisions. The job wasn't that great, but I was only really in it for the tips.

 

[Deleted member 250213]

If canola oil is derived from canola, and sunflower oil is derived from sunflowers, what is baby oil derived from?

 

[Deleted member 250213]

I was thinking about studying equines and French Philosophers and had virtually no idea what order to place them in.

So I decided to put Descartes before the horse.

 

[Deleted member 250213]

I gave Mayhem ten puns for her to test to see if they would work. Sadly no pun in ten did.

 

[Mayhem]

Did you hear about the roof ?

Nevermind it’s over ur head

 

[Deleted member 250213]

You know the Queen has been responsible for England's terrible weather?

England's been under her reign for a very long time

 

[Mayhem]

What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race ?





ketchup

 

[00 Deleted member 00]

Why don't you give Elsa a balloon:

Because she'll let it go

 

[Deleted member 250213]

Rex: You think that dinosaur named Tie Ranno will sense that we are here?
Park Ranger: Start running!!!Tyrannosaurus Rex!!!!!

 

[Deleted member 250213]

I know I am getting so lazy when the fitness instructor yells "drop and give me twenty" and I go prone, reach for my wallet and hand him a $20 note. He meant push-ups. Oops.

 

[Mayhem]

Did you hear about the guy who had his whole left side amputated
he all right now

 

[Mayhem]

View attachment 943818

 

[Mayhem]

View attachment 943844

 

[Deleted member 250213]

OMG I think I am turning into a cookie.

I have been a wafer a while

 

[Deleted member 250213]

Lets go after the President of Russia, for months he has been Putin down the opposition and apparently the truth.

 

[Mayhem]

Why is mushrooms always invited to parties?

because they are fungi

 

[Irish_lady]

Why didnt the skeleton go to the disco... because he had no body go to with.

 

[Jackobeem]

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

 

[Deleted member 250213]

No matter how much money I have, I still could not pay attention

 

[Deleted member 250213]

If you want to know what is at the back of my wardrobe, the fact is it I cannot tell you. It's Narnia business.

 

[Jackobeem]

I once met a woman with a boob made of mahogany.

That story would be funnier if it had a punchline though.. wooden tit

 

[Jackobeem]

When Bilbo woke up he was shocked to find a supermarket had been built next door to his house.

It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area

 

[SerenityMoon]

Why does the Norwegian have bar codes on the hulls of their war ships? So when the fleet returns to port the can scan the Navy in (Scandinavian)

 

[-Luka]

I’m so scared for my calendar. It’s days are numbered. 😯

 

[SerenityMoon]

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

 

[Irish_lady]

Whats a bees favourite sport?

Rugbee

 

[Irish_lady]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, hey bartender ill have a beer and a mop

 

[SerenityMoon]

@Irish_lady
Did you hear Ireland is the fastest-growing country in Europe?
Its population is always Dublin.

Did you hear about the Irishman that drank 100 liters of stout in just 30 minutes?
They’re calling it a Guinness World Record.

 

[Deleted member 250213]

In New Zealand, getting pissed aside is to get rid of pests in your garden

 

[Hassy]

What do you call two monkeys who share an amazon account ? Prime Mates

 

[Irish_lady]

A piece of string walks into a bar orders a pint the bar man says no sorry we dont serve strings here, so the piece of string walks out ties a knot in himself walks back in gets his pint sits down the bar man goes "hey arent you the piece of string i just told to leave" the string goes no im afriad knot" 😂😂

 

[Hassy]

if 666 is all evil . then 25.8069758 is the root of all evil

 

[Hassy]

What did the penis say to the condom ? Cover me im going in!

 

[Deleted member 221990]

What did the penis say to the condom ? Cover me im going in!

Oh hassy you norty sassy!

 

[Jackobeem]

What's the useless bit of skin at the end of the (uncircumcised) penis called?

A man.

 

[Deleted member 250213]

What did the penis say to the condom ? Cover me im going in!

I have a condom joke, but not going to dare post it. I'll might put it on later

 

[SerenityMoon]

Your mum is so slow she takes 9 months to make a joke.

 

[Summer X]

6:30 is the best time on the clock. Hands down.

tbh im more of a hands up kind of guy 😯😯

A woman walked into the bank and asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over

 

[Mayhem]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea??




because if they flew over the bay they would be bagel

 

[Mayhem]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea??




because if they flew over the bay they would be bagel

Bagels

 

[Hassy]

Bagels

didnt know bagels are a joke 🤣

 

[Mayhem]

didnt know bagels are a joke 🤣

Lmao hey u

 

[Mayhem]

Why did the golfer bring a extra pair of pants ???


he was afraid of getting ahole in one

 

[SerenityMoon]

What do you call the sweat on your balls after he’s had sex with your cousin?
Relative humidity.

 

[redcrazykid]

my cousin is hawt stfu
my grandpa would smack me
and i'm only 15

... what am I?

 

[Finn2.0]

my cousin is hawt stfu
my grandpa would smack me
and i'm only 15

... what am I?

Mentally challenged?

 

[redcrazykid]

no the answer's me
lol

 

[Inkandtatts]

my cousin is hawt stfu
my grandpa would smack me
and i'm only 15

... what am I?

14, 15 or 30. Which is it?

 

[redcrazykid]

30

 

[Inkandtatts]

30

Cool so expect a ban shortly, for posting in the kids forum

 

[redcrazykid]

i already did 3 times

 

[SerenityMoon]

What has four letters, Sometimes nine letters and Never has five letters

 

[Hassy]

If you’re American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?​

European

 

[Deleted member 279365]

Can February March? No, but April May!

 

[Deleted member 221990]

Can February March? No, but April May!

That’s just way Lazay

 

[Deleted member 250213]

A guy walks into a bar. He is over there suffering from concussion

 

[00 Deleted member 00]

Why did the rooster cross the road to KFC?


Because he wanted to see a chicken strip

 

[Deleted member 279365]

That’s just way Lazay

It is

 

[Deleted member 279365]

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

 

[Mayhem]

What do you call a cow with 2 legs ?



lean beef

 

[Mayhem]

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?



depresso

 

[Deleted member 250213]

What do you call a coffee that wants to show it's feelings?


Espresso

 

[Deleted member 250213]

What do you call a joke that can't use its legs?

A lame joke