Offensive jokes thread

saltandvinegarchips said:
Share your favorite dark or offensive jokes! Sensitive/easily offended people should probably close thread.

I will start with a few of my favorites:
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A man andchis wife go into a bank. A robber makes everyone sit against the wall. He asked the gentleman sitting next to the husband 'did u see my face' to which he replied yes so the robber shot him dead. He then ask the husband "did u see my face' and he replied " no but I think my wife got a glimpse
 
A man takes his family to a hotel and says to thr clerk I hope my porn is disabled. The clerk says " it's just normal porn u sick ****

Mrs Man said:
One day @CLEMS0N @Creed101 and @BlackLivesMatter all went to a bar and they all got drunk and went home. The next day, they gathered together and talked about how drunk they were. @Creed101 said I was so drunk last night, I made out with the lamp." @CLEMS0N said "That's nothing, I got my DUI." and @BlackLivesMatter said I went home and blew Chunks. @CLEMS0N and @Creed101 asked @BlackLivesMatter what was so bad about that? and he said Chunks is my dog!"
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Genius
 
@Peregrines goes to the Doctor. During the prostate exam he says Hey Dr @UKBloke your ring is kinda hurting me, can you please take it off? and Dr @UKBloke says I'm sorry but that's not my ring that's my watch.
 
@GoodKnight had a hot date lined up with @RodeoMT The problem was that @GoodKnight apartment was flooded. So @GoodKnight asked @foreverman if he could use his place for the night. So @foreverman agreed, but warned @GoodKnight not to make a mess, or have sex all over his house. The next day @foreverman comes back to see his apartment. When he opens the front door he sees semen covering the entire living room. @foreverman shouts at @GoodKnight and says, "What the f*ck happened I told you not to do it in here!" @GoodKnight responds and says, "We didn't, I just farted."

@Mr. Jose went to see @purplerose for the night. The next day, he found out that he has crabs. So he went to her and complained. To which she said, "For $5, what did you expect, lobsters?"

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There were these two gay lovers @ChatJanitor and @David_uk and @ChatJanitor died. So his lover @David_uk
asks his family to have him be made into a curry and the family asks him "Why? and @David_uk said so I can feel him dribble down my arse one more time!"

@Richthofen was in China and when he was there he had a lot of sex with transgender men and never used a condom the entire time he was there. Then he returned to America and one morning he woke up and noticed bright green and purple dots on his penis and freaked out. He went to Dr @-Luka and he said "I have never seen anything like this before. We will need to run some tests." So he ran some tests and he said come back in 3 days for your test results. So @Richthofen came back in 3 days and the Dr @-Luka said "I have some bad news for you. You have a disease called pongolion HP. It is very uncommon here and we know little about it. I'm sorry but we will need to amputate your penis and @Richthofen was horrified. He went to the Chinese Dr @Screem thinking he would know more about it and said "oh yes, pongolion HP, very ware. yes" said Dr @Screem and The american Dr @-Luka wants to amputate my penis. "Stupid american doctah, make more money that way, no need amputate." "Oh thank god" said @Richthofen . Dr @Screem said just, wait 2 weeks, fall off by itself."

@Bearhugs and @prodigal_daughter stop at a motel for the night and @Bearhugs
says, I want to be frank with you and @prodigal_daughter says I thought it was my turn to be frank.
 
Mrs Man said:
@GoodKnight had a hot date lined up with @RodeoMT The problem was that @GoodKnight apartment was flooded. So @GoodKnight asked @foreverman if he could use his place for the night. So @foreverman agreed, but warned @GoodKnight not to make a mess, or have sex all over his house. The next day @foreverman comes back to see his apartment. When he opens the front door he sees semen covering the entire living room. @foreverman shouts at @GoodKnight and says, "What the f*ck happened I told you not to do it in here!" @GoodKnight responds and says, "We didn't, I just farted."
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Stop spamming my Mod account
 
Mrs Man said:
@GoodKnight had a hot date lined up with @RodeoMT The problem was that @GoodKnight apartment was flooded. So @GoodKnight asked @foreverman if he could use his place for the night. So @foreverman agreed, but warned @GoodKnight not to make a mess, or have sex all over his house. The next day @foreverman comes back to see his apartment. When he opens the front door he sees semen covering the entire living room. @foreverman shouts at @GoodKnight and says, "What the f*ck happened I told you not to do it in here!" @GoodKnight responds and says, "We didn't, I just farted."

@Mr. Jose went to see @purplerose for the night. The next day, he found out that he has crabs. So he went to her and complained. To which she said, "For $5, what did you expect, lobste
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If that's a joke, first and foremost, it has to be funny to other people other than one's self otherwise you're just laughing at your own joke. I know you are a Troll in the chat and on the forum, as I shared my AI Image I created for the Chat Ave Troll! BTW, I live in a house, not an apartment, so you have to know about the subjects before writing a joke. Try doing some Open Mic and see if you can do some Standup, maybe you'll have better luck. Stand up, see if you get some laughs.
 
An exotic dancer @Summer X was indicted for the murder of @AngelSissy and dragged him under her car for more than a mile. Witnesses at the scene called it "The worst lap dance ever."
 
A guy storms out of the bank, furious, complaining about the wait, the heat, the crazy inflation… just fed up with life.
On his way, he sees an old man with no arms dancing happily in the square. The guy stops, looks at him, and thinks:
“Wow, here I am complaining about everything, and this man, even without arms, is so happy… what a life lesson!”

Feeling touched, he walks up to the old man and says:
— Sir, with this insane heat, sky-high inflation, and you’re here all happy, dancing with no arms… that’s truly inspiring! No offense!

The old man smiles and replies:
— Thank you so much, young man… I’m so glad you came! I’ve been trying to scratch my butt for an hour and just can’t. Mind giving me a hand?
 
Because of a bad case of hemorrhoids, a gay bottom @Ytodd goes to Dr @Snoogles and he
prescribes him suppositories, but when it comes time to use them @Ytodd is afraid he will do it wrong.
So he goes into the bathroom and bends over and looks through his legs into the mirror to line up the target. All of a sudden, his penis becomes stiff, blocking his view and he says oh stop it and scolds his organ, It's only me.
 
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