The chill out/warm up RP.

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xobscenemetalmelodiez

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Right, so, I was thinkin'. 'Cause we haven't been posting and no one's in the mood for anything serious or w/e the hell else, how about a nice, calm, un-serious thread that allows us to chill out, warm up for posting in other threads, or hell, just keep in the game.

Just fun little short posts, or long if you really get into it. It can be as serious or stupid as you like. There are no limitations.

Character Sheet:
Name:
Whatever the hell else you want. Your character only requires a name. Anything else you want to add, be it age, job, race, superpower, current location, favourite fruit, GO NUTS.

I'll get this show on the road. Ahem.

Character Sheet:
Name: Jojo.
Age: 24.
Gender: Female.
Race: Super intelligent talking monkey who ages the same as a human.
Occupation: Jojo's worked as pretty much anything you can imagine. Including your mom. Especially enjoys her job as a secret agent.
Special ability: Flinging feces.
Likes: Long walks on the beach; romantic, candle-lit dinners; foot massages; working as a secret agent; fast cars; fruit salad; dancing; painting.
Dislikes: Humans who think they are better than her; stupid people; being stared at; the circus; working in Mexican restaurants; bad acting; liars.
Favourite fruit: Peaches. (And you thought it would be bananas, you racist son of a-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

Jojo took a seat as the waiter showed her to her booth. She smiled and thanked him as he handed her a wine menu which she opened up, looking over the choices. She finally chose something vibrant and fruity to fit her current mood, "I'll have a glass of C?tes du Rhone, Ch?teau de Montfaucon, thank you."
She gave a smile as she handed the menu back to the waiter, who bowed as he spoke "Very good, madam." He turned and left Jojo to look around the rest of the establishment. It was quite busy, but not overwhelmingly so, rather it gave a good feel almost of being at a dinner party; except at this one she didn't have to socialise at when she didn't want to.​

The luxuriously dressed young monkey leaned back against the soft, padded seat, soon greeted by the waiter once more, who gave her a menu and served her glass of red wine. She thanked him again and he left to allow her some time to look over the various meals available.
Jojo inhaled through her nose deeply, enjoying the smell of the wine before taking a sip. So far the evening seemed to be going very nicely.​
 
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Character Sheet:
Name: Jack Noff
Age: 28
Gender: Male.
Race: Reptilian Overlord Human Hybrid.
Occupation: Jack has multiple personalities. Therefore has many jobs, however his name never changes. Bouncer. Stripper. Pimp. Perverted Customer. Strip Club Owner. Bar Tender. Waiter. Research Guinea pig Escapee.

He thinks he owns a club, which doesn't exist, where he also is the bouncer, stripper, pimp, customer, bartender and waiter. Sometimes on the same night. He also thinks he escaped a government facility where they experimented on him. On his nights off... he thinks he's a super hero.

Special ability: Driving the batmobile.
Likes: Stripping. Strippers. Money. Kicking bad guys ass. Sniffing coke with his ears. Saving the world. Gobstoppers.
Dislikes: Bad people. The government. Old people. Television. Radio. Fruit. Igguana's.

Favourite Power Ranger: The Green Ranger.

______________________

Jack Noff stepped into the cosy little restuarant situated at the far end of the city. Tonight he was going to treat himself to some fine fish. He glanced around the room, his eyes were hidden behind large black sunglasses, but found little of interest, apart from a smartly dressed monkey. He stepped forward.
"Sorry sir, we're currently full at the moment...," the receptionist said with a sharp foreign accent.

Jack Noff grunted, "Do you not know who I am!" he gasped now. The man shook his head and turned his attention to the book of names in front of him. Jack slammed his hand down on the book and removed his glasses, "I am the goddamn blackman!" he shouted. The receptionist, looking up at him now, merely pursed his lips and stepped back. "We are full sir."

"Your mother's full," Jack Mumbled. The receptionist didn't seem bothered. "I have a reservation...."
"Name please?"asked the receptionist.
"Jack'n off Blackman! You don't know me? I'm a super hero?"
 
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lol reminds me of digipet

Name: Carl

Age: 22 yrs old

Gender: Female

Dislikes: People who question her name
Certain types of Cheeses
Mini Horses

Likes: Certain types of Cheeses
Other stuffs lol


"Your name is Carl?" The man behind the liquor store counter asked.

Carl rolled her eyes, and then nodded slowly. "Yesss... As you can see on the f'n I.D i just gave you my name is Carl Johnson, now if you would be so kind as to giving me my liquor I will be out of your hair." Carl said pushing back her brown curly locks.

"I think this is a fake ma'm" The man said handing Carl bck her I.D.

"Well I think your boobs are fake, but I didn't mention that. Give me my drinks now, or I will be forced to do something I really don't want to do." Carl threatened leaning forward. Since the man was a little fat, he narrowed his eyes trying to hide the hurt behind it. It wasn't his fault he owned a pair of man boobs.

"You'll do what?" The man said with a smirk.

Shaking her head, Carl reached inside of jacket pocket, and pulled out a very large gun pointing it at the man. Instantly a wet spot started to form on the front of his pants. She laughed picking up the black back and waltzing out the store. "Jerk off" Carl called behind her, pushing through the door.
 
Character Sheet:
Name: Dale
Age: Unknown
Gender: Male
Race: Broodwich
Description: It's a sandwich...from hell!
Special Powers: Can send people to an evil dimension where an ax wielding psychopath will kill them if they take a single bite.

Dale sits there, watching the patrons of the bar.
 
Jack Noff exitted the restuarant. It was time to perform his nightly duties. He pulled out his bag from the car, pulled out the curly haired blonde wig and placed it on his head. He removed his shirt and pants and replaced them with a black leather bra and a mini skirt. He managed to slide up some pantyhose and put on high heels. He then got back into his car and played the Jonas Brothers.

He waited for the song to end before he drove off for work. He stopped suddenly pulling over to the sidewalk. "Hey baby, you want to have a good night?" Jack asked a straddling man who was walking by slowly.
The man's pace quickened, he shook his head. "You don't know what you're missing out babay!" Jack called after the man.

There was a flashing of lights. The Police. Jack punched the stearing wheel. "Hello Officer," Jack said, as the policeman appeared at the window. "Lets see your licence and registration ma- sir?" asked the policeman. Jack smiled, "Here you go."

The policeman frowned, "Not sure if you're trying to be funny, but If i see you pull over and ask someone to get in your car I'm going to do a lot worse than let you off with a warning."
Jack beamed, "You're letting me off?" he asked.
"Yes... but don't do it again."
"You want something in return babay?"
The cuffs were on him faster than a KFC fills up in Africa.
 
=]

=]

Character Sheet
Name: Mike Rotch
Age: 180,999
Gender: yes.
Race: not a funny fast runner-person-thingy
Occupation : NutBuster. Hardcore Gangster rapper. Wal-Mart associate. Broom. Proud owner of a hotel for the homeless. Proud owner of a dangalang.
Enjoys: Slapping people with his dangalang. Bombing public establishments. Shooting stuff. Searching for G-spots. Watching pokemon. Executing small animals. Performing pelvic thrusts on the streets for money. Assassinating people's faces on large billboards using stolen sniper rifles he took from the Japanese military.
Favorite hand : Pimp hand
Favorite position: the lotus.

Not much was going on in the crowded restaurant. A waitress was staring outside the window watching a trans gender hooker being arrested for trying to hit on a cop. Everything inside the place was quiet enough. People were enjoying their food. As well as the monkey.

A small can smashed though one of the restaurant's front windows. The can roll against the floor inside and more cans smashed though the other windows. The glass shattered and hit the floor dramatically. One of the cans exploded, knocking a nearby table apart and sending splinters of wood into the air. A table leg hit one of the diners in the testicles. The other cans exploded at the same time, sending tables, people and food flying throughout the area. Only one window was left untouched and unbroken. The receptionist looked at it. She picked up a fork and threw it at the window. " Eh, what the hell.. ", she said flinging the fork. Suddenly Mike Rotch burst though the window holding his pimp hand. He smack the fork away and hit jetted at the receptionists' left breast. The breast burst into flames and the fork poked it. Mike looked around the restaurant. " DID SOMEONE CALL THE NUTBUSTERS? "
Everyone looked stared at the deranged, nude arsonist. All of a sudden music started playing. " When you're feeling strange, and you get deranged, who you gonna call? NutBusters! ", sung Mike Crotch with a sadistic smile on his face. " sex monkey! ", he yelled out. His dangalang extended forward and slapped the monkey in the face. It fell down and hit the floor, unconscious.
" Ain't 'fraid of no nut ", said one of the diners. Mike extended his dangaland at the man. It hit him in his face and sent the man though the wall of the restaurant. A bullet went though Mike's head. An impossible amount of blood flooded the restaurant. Mike fell dead. Behind him was a man holding a gun. It was smoking. The man was also nude. " I'm the real Mike Rotch ", he said. The restaurant was completely filled with blood now. A diner licked his finger. " How can we be sure you're the real Mike? " , said a random guy in the background. Mike's dangland slapped the man though the roof of the restaurant. He soared away into the night sky. " Shut the hell up", said Mike. " How can be sure you're the real Mike, though? ", said the exact same random guy, standing on a table. " How the hell did you get there? ", said Mike, confused. " This isn't blood! It's kool-aid! ", said the diner who had licked his finger. " He is the real one! ".

Mike frowned. He spun around in a circle. His dangalang tore though the walls of the restaurant and leveled the building. Music started playing. Everyone looked at Mike."Who the hell listens to Amy Winehouse?", asked one of the diners. " Stay off these nuts", said Mike. He pulled a cellphone from out of his bare rear end. He answered it. " Sorry citizens, I must leave you now. The NutBuster's have a problem to solve. It seems that a trans gender lizard has been spotted speeding in a stolen police cruiser. He needs a good dangalang slapping. " And with that Mike Rotch walked away at the speed of light. The mothereffing end. Go die.
 
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I love you guys. So much.
I just have to quote two things.
.::Kill0_0Frosty::. said:
The cuffs were on him faster than a KFC fills up in Africa.
Click to expand...
Masta Shake said:
Gender: yes.
Occupation: Wal-Mart associate. Broom.
Enjoys: Slapping people with his dangalang. Bombing public establishments. Shooting stuff. Searching for G-spots. Watching pokemon. Executing small animals. Performing pelvic thrusts on the streets for money. Assassinating people's faces on large billboards using stolen sniper rifles he took from the Japanese military.
Click to expand...
These things in particular are...beautiful. I must commend you on your post Masta Shake. It was also very beautiful indeed.

--------------------------------------​

The tranquility of the restaurant was broken as cans smashed through the windows and began exploding, sending tables and people flying through the air. A naked man entered the establishment. He started singing. Upon seeing Jojo he screamed something out and knocked her out with a dangalang to the face.​

Jojo awoke to the wreckage of the restaurant which had been leveled completely. The man who had smacked her in the face with his "dangalang" was lying dead on the floor from a bullet through the head, however the "blood" was Kool-Aid. "Oh, what the fu--?"
Her phone went off. She lifted it and answered. "Johnson. Yes, I'm fine. We have a problem. Well, several. My dress is just ruined. Okay. I'm on it. Someone owes me a dry cleaning bill." She furrowed her brows and smiled all cool-like.
She stood and ran through the door to the bathroom, which was all that was left of the building. A moment later she burst through in her secret agent catsuit, striking and generic martial art style pose.​

She darted outside and onto her little monkey-sized motorbike, pulling her little monkey goggles down. Lifting her radio she tuned it on. "Repeat, we have a 5-11; giant mutant reptilian male in drag in possession of a stolen police vehicle on 37th street. There's some...naked guy catching up to him, too, it's...really fucking gross."
"Bingo."​

She drove off in the direction the police had specified, stopping beside a bar along the way and darting inside. There was a sandwich sitting in a bar stool, a martini resting upon it. Jojo didn't even raise a brow, this was pretty normal. She went into the back.
"Pip, I need me some weapons."
"Sure, yo'." The half man half chicken half satellite dish responded, flipping the table over to reveal a large collection of weapons.
"Awesome." Jojo grinned all badass-like.​

Several minutes later she was cruisin' down the highway, A-ha blasting from her monkey bike sound system. It was only a matter of time before she caught up and got that dry cleaning bill.​

"Talking away, I don't know what I'm to say, I'll say it anyway, today's another day to find you. Shying away, I'll be coming for your love okay.
Take on me (Take on me)
Take me on (Take on me)
I'll be gone, in a day or twooooooooo."​
 
Jack Noff was in jail. Someone had played in his mud... if you know what I mean. He couldn't walk. He was out of it. The guards had placed him in his own holding cell now. It was time for his phonecall. "You have 5 minutes."

Jack picked up the phone and dialled a number, "Bob... bob the builder, I'm in jail... can you fix this?"
 
Penis picked up his penis and put it to his face

'Penis Penis' emitted from the penis

'Penis why are you saying penis penis' Penis replied,with a look of disgust on his face.

Then Penis carried on laying dormant
 
xobscenemetalmelodiez said:
I love you guys. So much.
I just have to quote two things.


These things in particular are...beautiful. I must commend you on your post Masta Shake. It was also very beautiful indeed.

--------------------------------------​

The tranquility of the restaurant was broken as cans smashed through the windows and began exploding, sending tables and people flying through the air. A naked man entered the establishment. He started singing. Upon seeing Jojo he screamed something out and knocked her out with a dangalang to the face.​

Jojo awoke to the wreckage of the restaurant which had been leveled completely. The man who had smacked her in the face with his "dangalang" was lying dead on the floor from a bullet through the head, however the "blood" was Kool-Aid. "Oh, what the fu--?"
Her phone went off. She lifted it and answered. "Johnson. Yes, I'm fine. We have a problem. Well, several. My dress is just ruined. Okay. I'm on it. Someone owes me a dry cleaning bill." She furrowed her brows and smiled all cool-like.​
Click to expand...

Rotflmaolol. I love this thread. Rp is fun again.
 
~<<Pēąčħęś>>~;3443548 said:
soz to spam but this Sh!t is hilarious!! omg :lmao: :lmao:
xxx~
Click to expand...
No worries, I'm glad people are having fun. Feel free to join!
Everyone!! Woo!
 
After putting the hooker in jail, Mike Rotch went home. He hopped into his three-wheeled Ferrari and speed off into the sunrise.

On the way home, Mike stopped by a lingerie store and picked up some sexy apparel for his hand. He then went home.

He got home and took a cold, 2 minutes shower. He was trying to cut down on his utility bills. Afterward he went to his room. There he found his hand wearing the candy lace thong he had bought. " Gettin' freeakay", with a lonely look on his face.

Him and his sexfully dressed hand made sweetlove until the next sunrise.

Mike Rotch got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. Upon reaching the door, he collapsed because of extreme starvation and dehydration. If only he had eaten a sandwich while he was sexulating. He had forgotten to put on his LifeAlert before he began sexulating with his hand. He reaching for the telephone which was in the next room. His efforts failed. In fact, they were most retarded. The telephone was in the other door. Downstairs... The poor bastard passed out.

Luckily Mike Rotch's hand soon awoke and called the ambulance. Sadly, they arrived to find Mike Rotch's body half devoured by a swarm of raccoons and possums. They all flipped Mike off and gangraped his hand.

The hand is still alive today. It has never forgotten that day and has been living in horrible fear ever since. She was afraid that if she went to rehab, she would be raped even worse. With chopsticks this time. Instead she got a sex-change operation and resumed her old occupation as a nude chef. She became famous for her wonerful work. She got a reverse sex-change operation then moved to New Zealand to live the rest of her life wealthy.

Today she still dreams of Mike Rotch and the extreme 2-day sex they had.

Somewhere, Mike Rotch crawls out of his aged grave. ...

the end????!!??
 
Carl waltzed down the street, with a bottle of beer in her hand. She stumbled a bit, walking right into a brick wall. Oddly this didn't knock her down, but tripping over her shoe lace did. She sat on the ground for several moments, before she knew exactly what had happened. "Shoot!" Carl yelled at the sky.

"Are you okay, you hit that wall pretty hard miss?" A nice handsome man asked. He looked right out of a fairytale. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a funny looking outfit, with a crown on his head.

"I'm fine, who the french are you?" Carl demanded, after pushing herself up on her feet.

"I am Prince Charming Maddam." The prince answered with a smile.

Carl saw stars floating around his head, once she looked into his eyes. Could this be love? She cleared her throat, "Yeah...wow Prince Charming... I'm Carl." Carl introduced herself, tossing the bottle of beer.

"Carl Hmm? Umm is that a nickname." Prince Charming asked, "Are you drunk?"

"No and Yes I'm not drunk..." Carl answered and then frowned, "Shut up don't you judge me mister handsome."

"Well it's nice to meet you Carl, would you like to join me down at the bar for a game of Foosball. I'm short a player." The prince asked, holding out his arm.

Carl gasped, "I happen to be gold medal winning foosball champ! Sure, I would love to."

"So your that Carl, wow what a honor we shall be on our way then."
 
Using his reptilian overlord human hybrid powers Jack Noff escaped prison, that is before he raped everyone inside there... including the guards. He was of course now Jack Noff super pimp. He drove a flowerly lace tassled bicycle to his "strip club". He stepped up to the invisible red carpet and stood at the door as Jack Noff super bouncer.

He stepped to the side now, "Sorry can I come in?" asked Jack Noff super customer, and then stepped back to the side of the door, "Clubs full," said Jack Noff super bouncer. "Come on!" protested Jack Noff super customer.
"Fine, but don't tell the boys inside."

Jack Noff super customer headed inside the "strip club", which was in fact a grocery store located on the corner of a dodgy street in a dodgy area of town. Jack Noff super customer walked up to the counter, slid around it and stood beside the confused shop assistant. "Can I help you?" asked the man. "Don't worry John-John, I got this one," said Jack Noff super bartender. "What'll it be sir?" asked Jack Noff super bartender.

Jack Noff slid back around. "Ur... nothing right now thanks. Think I'll just watch the show," said Jack Noff super customer. He then spun on his heel and climbed one of the racks. He began his rythmical dancing. Jack Noff super stripper ripped off his pants with tremendous force throwing them towards the shopping assitant.

Then he jumped down suddenly, ran to the door, and slammed his foot down. "I am Blackman!" he shouted loudly. "And this horrendous act must end!" said Jack Noff aka super super hero, Blackman. He then jumped back onto one of the aisles and screamed, running to the back of the store, before walking back to the front, "Yo yo yo, wha' kind o' gay******ry iz goin' own up in diz bitch?" asked Jack Noff Super Pimp.

"I must end this horrendous act!" shouted Blackman. Then Jack Noff punched himself in the face and got aids.
 
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