The chill out/warm up RP.

  • Thread starter Thread starter xobscenemetalmelodiez
  • Start date Start date
Mr. Nuts and The Douche meet at last.

Mr. Nuts and The Douche meet at last.

The Douche awoke to find a small girl beating his face in and for a moment he was taken back to his past, then he groaned and rolled over smacking the baseball bat away from him. The girl started to beat his ass - making a hole that was not there before but probably should have been. The Douche was not upset by the girl beating him, he was used this, after all he was a hobo... and a giant douche.
'Little girl, I'm trying to enjoy the brilliance and purity of being stoned- aw fuck it.' The Douche let the little girl continue for a while before crawling away- before trying to crawl away. It did not go well. He ended up falling in a pool of vomit he had earlier made.
'What do you want from me little girl?' he turned to look at her properly 'Sophie, I knew you'd come for me!' he swung his arms around the little girl.
YMCA​

Mr. Nuts ran to where The Douche's dealer said he would be, to his shock - but not horror - he found the little girl from before being hugged by The Douche.
'So you're a paedophile now The Douche, or should I say The Douchebag?' Mr. Nuts frowned at the couple 'We have business.'
'Who the fuck are you!?' The Douche asked 'Actually, I don't care, I won't let youz get in the wayz of me and Sophies love' he threw the girl aside - probably cracking her head open on the brick wall - so he could fight Mr. Nuts. He cluched his pencil tight in his hand, then he was sick everywhere. ​
 
Scharu laughed as the Douche just took the abuse, and laughed even harder as he tried to crawl away only to land with his face in a pool of vomit.
'What do you want from me little girl?' he turned to look at her properly 'Sophie, I knew you'd come for me!' he swung his arms around the little girl.
"Um...ew. Hands off, fuсker." She tried to pull away but before she could she heard a familiar squeaky voice.
'So you're a paedophile now The Douche, or should I say The Douchebag?' Mr. Nuts frowned at the couple 'We have business.'
"Oh, brother," it was indeed the squirrel from before, "I thought I killed you or something?"
'Who the fuck are you!?' The Douche asked 'Actually, I don't care, I won't let youz get in the wayz of me and Sophies love' he threw her aside so he could fight Mr. Nuts. He cluched his pencil tight in his hand, then he was sick everywhere.
Scharu stumbled backwards, steadying herself before she fell over into one of the many pools of "mysterious" fluid. "The hell if up with you guys?"

She watched as the two fought in a most strange manner, until she got bored and lifted her hands into the air, causing the two of them to set alight. She watched them flail around a little, then got bored of that. "Meh, you guys suck. Do something FUNNY, or I shall kill you both." They both looked at her, glanced to one another, then back at her. "Heh, no really. I'mma fuсk your ѕhit up unless you sons of bitches ENTERTAIN me. AND IT BETTER BE GOOD!"
 
Heh, no really. I'mma fuсk your ѕhit up unless you sons of bitches ENTERTAIN me. AND IT BETTER BE GOOD!" the girl said looking at The Douche and Mr. Nuts. The Douche tried dancing a bit then he gave up and sat down; he began to cry profusely.
'Oh Godz, I'm pathetic, plz killz me!'
'Jesus you're pathetic, look, look at me dance!' Mr. Nuts said, he then broke into epic dancing. Fiery passion was lit in his eyes, he danced for at least a good hour, then stopped arms outstretched on his knees, he panted heavily. The Douche applauded, then got his pencil and hacked of Mr. Nuts arm. Blood flowed through the air splattering The Douche, pure red against white - ish. It stained the worn concrete in an almost poetic way I can't be bothered to do.
'You bastard!' Mr. Nuts picked up his arm and beat The Douche with it, blood flew everywhere.
 
Scharu watched as the Douche danced in a most pathetic manner, then stopped, sat down and cried...if possible, it was more pathetic, though the crying was a better act than the dancing. However the Squirrel's dancing was much more impressive. But Scharu got bored after about two minutes and started to play around with other things, mostly beating the Douche some more, then leaving for about forty-five minutes to play, set fire to things and steal some soda and candy.

When she came back Mr. Nuts seemed to have only juts finished dancing, he was on his knees, panting, arms outstretched. "Meh," she said, still unimpressed. That was until the Douche attacked him with a pencil and blood spurted through the air. The scent of the beautiful crimson liquid was enticing, the image of it splattering across the alleyway, the Douche and the squirrel was worthy of being great artwork. Suddenly she was intrigued.
'You baѕtard!' Mr. Nuts cried as he picked up his arm and beat The Douche with it, blood flying everywhere. Scharu was filled with joy and watched them in excitement rather than boredom now.
"Yes! Yes, kill him! KILL HIM!" she egged them on, giggling with glee.
 
R.I.P Mr. Nuts

R.I.P Mr. Nuts

The Douche pulled back slightly disgruntled by Mr. Nuts assault.
'Dude what the hell are you doing!' he said as he tried to bash the small irritating arm away. 'Dude that is so gross!'
'You bastard my ARM!' Mr. Nuts kept going to the point in which he was panting wildly, at this point blood had covered all the three of them. Who would have thought such a small mammal could contain such amounts of blood?
'Dude, look I'm sobering, I've got to go; wait I'm sober... I'm sober.' The Douche looked down at himself, Mr. Nuts had now stopped and was saying.
'Oh Jesus my hernia...!'
'Thanks man, for the first time I can think about what I'm doing; it's all thanks to you making me stay here for so long!' The Douche shook Mr. Nuts hand, but now that he was back to the way he was used to he was yet again a coldblooded killer. His hand gripped the pencil tighter.
'You crazy bastard, you think we're cool, you bashed my fucking arm off!'
'And I'm about to do much worse...'

As an individual of this RP forum and as human being I feel that what happened next is to horrible to write/show/mention in anyway/have anything to do with. As a result of such need for censorship, I feel that this bold red writing will have to do as a mental image for what happened and to accentuate the graphic horror of what occurred here. I also feel that to ease the mood of the situation so this RP can continue in a friendly and relaxed manner, in which all participants can enjoy, I should show this picture.

20090513324697blackween.jpg



Now everyone feels good.
'ARGH JESUS, AH NO PLEASE GOD NO NOT THE-'
...heh... very...um... sorry there, folks... ha ha... heh.
 
Scharu just laughed as she watched the two fuckwits destroying each other. Soon the squirrel was dead, she lifted it up and smushed it around in the face of The Douche. "HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, YO?!" she said for no apparent reason. She then took a garbage can and smashed it into The Douche's head, knocking him down, then knocked over a large dumpster, setting fire to one end of it and standing on the other end, singing, "I AM THE ANTI-CHRIST, I AM AN ANARCHIST!" air guitar solo "NIDDLY NIDDLY NYYYYEEEEOOOOW!!! FUСK Y' MOTHERS!"
 
Smallest post ever.

Smallest post ever.

The Douche picked himself of the floor and looked at the little girl as she began to use the air guitar and scream her lungs out.
Jesus what the hell is wrong with this girl, even I know not to fudge with her... but maybe she could help me with her seemingly undying lust for violence and suffering of others?
'Hey little girl, you seem to like the pain and misery of others wanna come with me and blow the shit out of the C.I.A?'
Oh yes The Douche had a score to settle and with or without the little girl he would blow the absolute shit out of the C.I.A.
 
"Yeah sure. I suuuuure do love violence. How're we getting there, douche?" she inquired, calling him a douche despite the fact he was a literal one, and apparently that was his name too, but she hadn't really been paying enough attention to know that.
 
Most savoury post ever.

Most savoury post ever.

"Yeah sure. I suuuuure do love violence. How're we getting there, douche?"The Douche pondered for a moment of how to get to the C.I.A and blow it the fuck up.
'Well the only problem is that after all the years of drug and alcohol abuse it seems I have very few brain cells left, don't get me wrong I can blow the entire C.I.A to hell but transport is another thing... hm. Wanna hijack a bus?'
After a discussion of this option along with possible other ways to get to the C.I.A - and roasting Mr. Nuts over the fire from the dumpster then discussing how tasty he was and how oddly like chicken his tasted - they decided the bus would be the best choice.
Unfortunately they hijacked an old peoples tour bus so the air wasn't as pleasant as they would have probably liked, then there was the fact the Mr. Nuts hat and suit had left The Douche with EPIC diarrhea.
'Aw god why did we eat the squirrel's suit!' The Douche said 'Thank God the windows open this far, oops I think I caused a car crash behind us!'
It took the girl and The Docuhe a second before bursting into explosive laughter and that my friend was all that was explosive.
 
Later...

The bus pulled up at the head building of the C.I.A. and Scharu and The Douche stepped out. "All right," Scharu said, "let us never talk of that trip again. ONWARD!"

They exploded into the building, "This is a stick up! EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND! Actually," Scharu changed her mind, "instead, how about you call run around screaming? It's more fun that way. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. NOW RUN AND SCREAM!! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!"

She began to blow shit up.
 
xobscenemetalmelodiez said:
Later...

The bus pulled up at the head building of the C.I.A. and Scharu and The Douche stepped out. "All right," Scharu said, "let us never talk of that trip again. ONWARD!"

They exploded into the building, "This is a stick up! EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND! Actually," Scharu changed her mind, "instead, how about you call run around screaming? It's more fun that way. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. NOW RUN AND SCREAM!! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!"

She began to blow shit up.
Click to expand...

hahaha yea and den after this happens a black guy comes out and fukken knocks everyone out and scharu says "someone get him some fried chicken A - STAT!"
 
The man stretched his arms over his head, gave out a yawn and settled back into a comfortable position. He was completely oblivious to the chaos that occurred in the RP thread. Not sure what to do, he shuffled his feet a bit and raised his eyes to the sky. The clouds shielded his eyes from the direct sunlight.

"Well...After about 2 years of not writing RP's, I suppose a little warm up is what I need."
 
Scharu was all like "OMGWTF BITCHES", but welcomed the guy in the corner with a corndog and kick to the shin. It was her way of showing affection. "WELCOME, HOBO!"
 
He raised an eyebrow at the hyper girl then before she could object, swept across her personal space and pressed his lips against hers. Just as quickly as he had done it, he pulled away, smirking. "Nice to meet you." He said with a soft chuckle and a casual stride back to avoid any lashings. His eyes glazed over and he slightly lifted his head to the clouds.

"You know why ducks are so funny? Because they're always quacking jokes."
 
Scharu pulled out a bottle of tequila and took a swig. "Hey, Douche, cheer up, man. C'mon, how about we get blitzed and have a threeway?"
 
His name was Majimbo Mjajubane Kimbo Bulowayo and he... had aids. He walked in to the place, holding his hands up, palms facing ******ds. This was just in case anyone accused him of stealing. He sat down, lowered his head and sighed loudly. He coughed once, called the waiter over and said, "Hello, pleez can I hev sum wateh!" The waitress stared at Majimbo for a while, he guessed she was probably trying to figure out what he'd just said.

She left him, and then returned shortly with a glass of water. "Will that be all?" she asked him in a kind voice. He nodded slowly, "Yez, dat will be oll kind voiced wooman. Nobuddy iz verry kind to me. So, siiiiince you are a kind peson I will tell you da trut aboht me. I... hev AIDS." He looked up at her, puppy eyed, with a frown turned upside down. The waittress blinked at him. She took a step back, and ran away. Majimbo sighed.
 
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